Page 158 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Reason To Sing

It hits me like a bolt out of the blue. Oh no, I think I’m going
to be sick!
I race into the bathroom and lift the lid with barely enough
time to puke hard into the toilet. My beleaguered body wretches
and then I break into a cold sweat. The shakes sweep over me.
Oh geez - now I’m losing all control. Of everything! I jump onto the
toilet. Then back down onto the floor. More puking. Oh my God,
this is so gross! Both ends? My head is swirling. There can’t possibly
be anything left in me!
Up, then down. Down, then up. Damn, I didn’t even eat any
dinner. How can this be happening? The dry heaves take over,
leaving me depleted and completely spent. Finally, the torture
abates. I am still shaking but curl up around the toilet on the
cold tile floor. I can’t move.
I hate this feeling. I’m still so out of it. I just want it to be
over! This is worse than anything I’ve ever experienced in my
life. This makes food poisoning seem like a vacation. Seriously. I
don’t want to feel like this anymore. I don’t want to be high. I’m
starting to feel really frightened. I said I would never do the hard
drugs, especially after Jimmy’s overdose. I promised myself that.
Now here I am. So messed up. Is this what an overdose feels like?
What is happening to my body? Should I call someone? Should I be
taken to the hospital? Am I going to die here? Alone?
I am so cold. This floor is freezing. After what feels like hours,
I finally feel strong enough to pull myself up. I stagger to the
bedroom and drop my aching body onto the bed. I am burning
up, tossing and turning. I can’t get comfortable no matter what
I try. I finally curl up in a fetal position but have to keep rocking
back and forth or I feel even worse. I rock myself like a baby until
the calming rhythm finally gives me just a little bit of relief.
Oh, sleep. I just want to go to sleep. Please, please, make all
of this stop and never come back. I just want it all to be over.

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