Page 15 - Sound Rides Feb 2023

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a
JIMS JOKES
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables
from the market. I went and looked around and
couldn't find any. So I grabbed a harassed and
tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables
are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any
poisonous chemicals?"
The produce guy looked at me and said, "No, sir,
you'll have to do that yourself."
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
"Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really
doesn't bother me too much because they never
smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact,
I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in
your office."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come
back to see me next week.
The next week the lady goes back to his office.
"Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave
me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink
terribly!
The doctor says, "Good, Now that we've cleared up
your sinuses, let's
work on your
hearing."
visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam
was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me
to ask you..."
"I know, I know," the doctor said, placing a
reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked this
all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed. "He
wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry
store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal
at his side.
He told the jeweller he was looking for a special
ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through
his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and
showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I
want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweller went to his special
stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the
jeweller said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body
trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweller asked how payment would be made
and the old man stated by cheque. "I know you
need to make sure the cheque is good, so I'll write
it now and you can call the bank on Monday to
verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday
afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very pissed-off jeweller phoned
the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine
the weekend I had?"
Page 15