Page 16 - Sound Rides Feb 2023

to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to
JIMS JOKES
Three men and a young woman are travelling on a
train. The four passengers get talking and the chat
soon takes an erotic turn. The young woman
proposes: “If each of you give me $1 I will show
you my legs”. The men, charmed by the woman,
all pull a dollar out of their wallet and she proceeds
to pull up her dress a bit to show her legs. The
woman then says: “If each of you gentlemen give
me $10 I will show you my thighs”. Again the men
pull out their wallets, hand over the money the
money and the woman pulls up her dress to show
her legs. The woman continues: “If you give me
$100 I will show you where I was operated on for
appendicitis”. All three hand over the money. The
woman then turns to the window and points
outside at a building they’re passing. “See there in
the distance, that’s the hospital where I had it
done!”
There's this guy who had been lost and walking in
the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he
sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he
crawls up to the house and collapses on the
doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him
back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the
missionary for directions to the nearest town. On
his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He
goes back into the house and asks the missionary,
"Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I
reach the town? "The missionary says, "Sure but
there is a special thing about this horse. You have
make it stop. "Not paying much attention, the man
says, "Sure, ok. "So he gets on the horse and says,
"Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he
says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse
starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says,
"Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God,
thank God" and the horse just takes off. Pretty
soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing
everything he can to make the horse stop. "Whoa,
stop, hold on!!!!"Finally he remembers,
"Amen!!"The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff.
Then the man leans back in the saddle and says,
"Thank God."
A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor
comes in and informs the dad that his son was
born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a
head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as
well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21
years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad
takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he
is proud of him. Dad orders up the biggest, strong-
est drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons look-
ing on curiously and the bartender shaking his
head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alco-
hol. Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead
silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father,
shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons
chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still
shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms
pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying
and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The pa-
trons chant, "Take another drink"! The bartender
ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting
tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down,
grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop!
Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father
falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy
stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the
left.... then to the right.... right through the front
door, into the street, where a truck runs over him
and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The fa-
ther moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,
"That boy should have quit while he was a head."
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