Page 16 - Sound Rides January 2022

!A stranger enters a store and
spots a sign: DANGER!

JIMS JOKES BEWARE OF DOG! Inside, he

sees a harmless old hound
asleep on the floor.
“Is that the dog we’re

supposed to be aware of?” he
asks the owner.
“That’s him,” comes the reply.
“He doesn’t look at all
dangerous to me. Why would
you post that sign?”
“Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping
over him.”

A mother asks her young sons
what they want for breakfast.

The first little boy says, “I’ll
have some @#$%^&
pancakes.”
An Australian, and Irishman and a Brit were sitting The mother angrily sends him
in a bar. There was only one other person in the to his room for cursing. She
bar. The three men kept looking at this other man, glares at the other little boy and
for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and asks, “What do you want for
stared, wondering where they had seen him before breakfast?!”
when suddenly the Irishman cried out: The second boy says, “Well, I
My God! I know who that man is - it's Jesus!" The sure don’t want the @#$%^&
others looked again, and sure enough, it was Jesus pancakes!”
himself, sitting alone at a table.
The Irishman calls out across the lounge: "Hey! A guy goes ice fishing for the
Hey you! Are you Jesus"? Jesus looks over at him, very first time. All of a
smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am sudden, he hears a voice.
Jesus", he says. Well, the Irishman calls the bar- “There are no fish under the
tender over and says to him: "I'd like you to give ice!” He ignores it and moves
Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me". The to another area, cuts a hole,
bartender pours Jesus a Guinness. Jesus looks and tosses his line in. Again,
over, raises his glass in thanks and drinks. he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish
Then the Australian calls out: "Oy you! D'ya reckon under the ice!”
you're Jesus or what?" Jesus nods and says: "Yes, He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that
I am Jesus". The Australian is mighty impressed you?”
and has the bartender send over a pot of Fosters “No, this is the rink manager!”
for Jesus which Jesus accepts with pleasure.
The Brit then calls out: "Oii whack, would you be A man with a huge grin
Jesus"? Jesus smiles and says: "Yes, I am Jesus". approaches a priest.
The Brit beckons the bartender and tells him to “Bless me father, for I have
send over a Tom Collins for Jesus, which the sinned,” he says. “I’ve spent
bartender duly does. As before, Jesus accepts the the week with seven beautiful
drink and smiles over at the table. women.”
Finally, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his “Do not fret, my son,” says the
seat and approaches our three friends. He reaches priest. “All you need to do is take seven lemons,
for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, squeeze the juice into a glass and drink the juice.”
thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, “Will that cleanse my sin from me?”
the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: “No, but it’ll wipe that stupid smile off your face.”
"Oh God! The arthritis is gone! The arthritis I've
had for years is gone! It's a miracle"! Jesus then A man called his mother in Floreat ,"Mom, how are
shakes the Australian's hand, thanking him for the you?"" Not too good," said the mother. "I've been
lager. Upon letting go, the Australian's eyes widen very weak." The son said, "Why are you so weak?"
in shock: "By jingo mate, the migraine! The She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 Days."
migraine I've had for The son said, "That is
40 years is completely terrible. Why haven't
gone it's a miracle"!!! you eaten in 38 days?"
Jesus then goes to The mother answered,
approach the Brit who "Because I didn't want
says: "Back off, mate! my mouth to be filled
I'm on a Disability with food in case you
pension" called."
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