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time management
This technique works best, obviously, if Bill is not part of the
conversation and cannot object. It immediately turns the attention
from you to another victim. Even if poor Bill is elsewhere at the
moment, however, he will undoubtedly learn and may even resent
you for so graciously volunteering his services. So, this may save
you time but cost you an ally in the long run.
5. You don’t have to give a reason. This may come as a shock.
We’re reasonable people. We like to think we’re motivated
by reason, and we want others to understand and agree with
our rationale for our decisions. We want people to continue
to think well of us. So we share our reasons. And when we
do, we invite others to participate in a discussion.
“I’m just too busy right now.”
“I know how busy you are. But actually this doesn’t take
very much time at all. And besides, you’re so efficient and well-
organized. . . .”
“I really don’t think I’m the best choice for the job.”
“You’re just being modest. You’re perfect for the job. Why, with
your way with people and your ability to handle a meeting. . . .”
You’ll lose this debate. You’re arguing the negative position,
often a much harder stance to support logically. You can be ratio-
nally talked out of something you feel strongly to be right and talked
into something you know instinctively to be wrong for you.
If you “lose” (meaning you fail to get them to say, “You’re right.
Sorry I asked”), you’ve got two alternatives, neither of them good.
You can acquiesce and agree to take on the task. Or you can stick
to your guns and continue to say “No,” leaving both of you much
more upset than necessary.
Decide, based on your informed understanding of your motives
and the true costs and benefits of the activity. Then stick to your
decision! You’ll find yourself with a great deal more conscious
control of your life.
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