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learning to say “ no ”
Put some numbers next to the items on your activity list. Esti-
mate the amount of time you spend in a week, a month, or perhaps
a year. You don’t need mathematical precision here, but you do
need honesty. Don’t fudge.
When you add up those numbers, you begin to get a sense of
how much your perpetual motion is costing you.
Money has value in terms of what it will buy for us (posses-
sions, comfort, status, entertainment, relative freedom . . .). Same
with time; we only truly appreciate its value in terms of what we
can do with it.
What would you be doing if you weren’t doing some of the
activities on your list? We carry around a lot of “if only’s . . . ,”
things we say we’d do if only we could find the time. Make a list
of your “if only’s . . .” Here are some examples:
If only I could find the time, I’d . . .
learn how to play golf
learn new skills to help me advance at work
get more sleep
master conversational Spanish
earn an M.B.A.
have people over for dinner at least twice a month
Perhaps you don’t really want to learn Spanish; you simply
wish you knew how to speak Spanish. The first is active; you’d
really enjoy the process of learning. The second is passive; you
wish you already had the benefit of the activity. Even so, you may
be willing to do the work to get the benefit. If so, leave the item
on your list.
Take a good look at your list. It represents the true cost of
your commitments. Line up the two lists, commitments on the
left, yearnings on the right. Decide which activity on the commit-
ment list you’ll quit and which activity on the wish list you’ll begin
instead. Then do whatever it takes to make the switch.
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