Page 30 - Relationships101 A Guide To Building Healthy Relationships Final 1

So, What Does That Tell Us?

You have learned that in order to get a realistic understanding of their differences, men and women
must take the time to get to know themselves before they get to know each other.

Wouldn’t you rather get to know a person to better relate and communicate with them, rather than
allowing only attraction and chemistry to draw you into sexual intimacy? With the latter scenario,
you risk sacrificing an understanding of what makes the person tick psychologically, mentally,
emotionally and/or culturally.

While it is true that men and women are different, it is also true that we, as individuals, are all
unique. There are no identical people in this world. Therefore, we should get to know the people that
come into our lives for who they truly are. But first, let us make sure we know ourselves.

Many people want a healthy relationship, but they do not know how to build one. The word relate
is also a derivative of the word relationship. One definition of relate is to identify with, which is
why it is important to be able to relate, identify with oneself because relating and relations is the
foundation for a relationship that lasts.

One of the most important attributes of building a healthy relationship is possessing the ability to
relate with oneself first. That means having a keen awareness of your triggers, insecurities,
weaknesses, and fears, as well as your strengths. And it means being comfortable and at home with
being 100% transparent and vulnerable. If you are not ready to overcome the obstacles to being
transparent and vulnerable, you are not ready to build a healthy relationship. It is the same as
baking a cake. If you do not have all the ingredients or are not on your way to getting them, you
cannot bake that cake.

It does not mean you have to stay out of a relationship because you have not mastered your triggers
or you are not totally comfortable with being vulnerable and transparent. You can begin to build a
healthy foundation at any time. Even if you are in a relationship that has not had a healthy
foundation for years. When you commit to owning your triggers, own your mistakes, don’t make
excuses for your behavior, practice responding instead of reacting when your triggers are activated,
and commit to learning, your behavior automatically begins to change. This applies to romantic
bonds, family and friend ties, and business relationships.

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