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Intimate Bonds

In this chapter, we are going to talk about intimate romantic bonds. We addressed intimacy
and now know that intimacy is a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving
relationship with another person or group; a close association with a detailed
understanding of a person, place, subject or period of history, and the relations connecting
participants in a relationship. We also delved into the reasons why personal intimacy is
vital to relationship intimacy.

Being in a relationship means “self” is no longer your primary focus. If you have had
children, your focus is now an “us” mentality. Similarly, in a relationship, fulfilling your
partner’s needs is now your focus, and fulfilling your needs is your partner’s focus.

We also know why it is important for you to know who you are and for your partner to
know him/herself because, as you read in Chapter One, relationships basics (or
Relationships 101) require you to help your mate learn who you are and your mate will need
to help you learn who he/she authentically is.

A healthy, intimate relationship is one where you are constantly learning about each other
and how to meet each other’s needs.

Do you remember the definition of relations? It is the state of being mutually or reciprocally
interested. You mutually reciprocate in a relationship, meaning you receive, and you give.
There is constant, ongoing “give and take” in healthy relations!

It is simple and easy to identify whether you should move forward or continue with any
interaction, no matter how mentally or emotionally complex the issue may be, when you use
this commonsense approach. An example of this approach being if you come to a place with
someone you are building a bond with, where an issue(s) is causing your interaction with
them to become toxic to your life, and they are not willing to resolve the issue. Growth,
stability, and having consistent healthy interaction is not possible.

Your relationship with them will not be able to grow beyond this point. If you continue
engaging with them without resolving the issue, they still will not grow because you failed
to resolve the toxic behavior that is affecting your life. You have to resolve the toxic issue
to be able to experience healthy and consistently stable interactions with them.
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