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negotiation when seeking to provide comfort for someone else. There are times when we do
not immediately know the degree of discomfort we will encounter with a particular change
or how the change will impact us overall until we are down the road.

When we are not aware of our own needs, often, we are not prepared for the psychological
and emotional adjustments that changes in a relationship inevitably require or know how to
properly express and address any discomfort we experience. We keep it to ourselves,
thinking that it is the right thing to do because we do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
Sometimes we do not even know why we are feeling bitter, and we get a sour taste in our
mouth about the relationship and withdraw or subconsciously take our frustration out on
loved ones. But eventually, unexpressed discomfort, resentment or bitterness rears its head
through arguments, cheating and other forms of toxic behavior.

Conflict could unfold in various areas of our life, due to differences in personality or
communication styles, different thinking patterns, or differences in way you and your
partner process important information or financial matters. One of you may be the type of
person who buries their head in the sand when a crisis arises, while the other may push
forward against the wind.

The way your partner handles finances could be a source of friction and resentment–
especially if it causes you to be in debt or tread water financially when you could be paying
bills and saving instead. Worse yet is when you end up being the one who must negotiate
with bill collectors to meet payment deadlines on time because your mate isn’t good with
money.

These types of differences can be a source of a lot of frustration in a relationship. Usually in
the beginning, people tolerate the differences. Sometimes, they even think it is cute or
adorable. But loving feelings can quickly turn into bitterness, resentment, and anger when
the differences are taxing to the other party. These types of differences cause friction that
could ignite flames and turn small differences into extremely hot button issues if you do not
remain transparent about your vulnerable feelings of bitterness or anger. Or bet yet, address,
negotiate and compromise on any differences in the beginning when you see that something
is rubbing you the wrong way.

Whatever the case may be, the secret to handling it in a way that keeps an issue from
becoming a “hot button” lies in owning the negatives you and your partner brings to a
relationship in these instances. Your ability to express how something is making you feel is
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