Page 75 - Relationships101 A Guide To Building Healthy Relationships Final 1

as well as the commitments you choose to make, keep, or change. It is all up to you to
govern your life and yourself. You oversee yourself. Sometimes it is hard for family
members who have gave birth to you, grew up with you, or watched you grow up to accept
your individuality. It is common for people to be in families that try to keep them in
patterns from when they were younger that no longer fit with the person they have grown
into as an adult.

How do you end these patterns? As I mentioned before, sometimes it is easier to change the
way you behave in the relationship than trying to change someone else. We discussed the
you cannot resolve issues or heal anything with closed minded people who do not engage
in self-examination. It all goes back to protecting yourself and your wellbeing. Be firm,
confident, and loving.

I have read a lot of self-help books that have helped me develop healthy ways to deal with
people in my life. I have also found Scripture from the Bible that helped me resolve
complex issues, especially when I was still gripped by the anger I was subconsciously
living out from the abusive upbringing I had. These two verses of Scripture helped me
speak up when I wanted to retreat, become bitter and angry, and take action in a productive
fashion.

The first one is:
“But, speak the truth in love…” (Ephesians 4:15)

I had bottled up my anger, thinking that was the best way to keep the peace and show love.
I felt liberated when I learned that it is best to speak the truth, but with love as your
motivator.

The second verse that helped me grow tremendously is:

“Be angry, and sin not; don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.” (Ephesians 4:26)

Don’t let the sun go down on my wrath. Are you serious? Don’t let it go down? I woke up
in wrath, ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and went to sleep in wrath. But this Scripture did
for me what no self-help or psychology book I read could do. It showed me that it is okay
to be angry but that I should deal with it in a healthy, productive manner.

I learned that I did not have to be a rock. Talking to a person about the way I feel is healing
and liberating. Even if they refuse to listen or reject what you have to say, there is a healing
that takes place in you. You are only responsible for what you do, not for what others do. I
found that it is important to make the person you have an issue with the first person you

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