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The most important skill?

istening! What do you think? We learn the most when we listen. Of course, talking can help us
learn by clarifying our thoughts through expressing them verbally. However, if we want to learn
about people, why something happened or what is going on, listening is the answer. When I was a
Lyoung man going through a signifi cantly traumatic period in my life a professional speaker suggest-
ed I read “How to win friends and infl uence people” by Dale Carnegie. It was the most impactful and
benefi cial act I have taken to improve myself as a person. It taught me the skill of asking questions and
listening. Prior to that I tended to primarily talk about what I wanted to and was poor at asking relevant
questions of others.
In my opinion, this skill is different from what is taking place on social media which is focused on
the act of talking, of telling people what you are doing, your opinions and what it means to you. And
you can learn from that. I believe there is great benefi t to understanding people, situations and why
things are the way they are. This involves curiosity and asking questions. The shear act of asking ques-
tions and listening lets people know you care. In a society where time is our main commodity, investing
in someone with questions and active listening is a gift.
By asking questions and listening you understand what motivates them or what their intentions
are. It can transform a foe into a friend once you have the perspective. I know a person who is very
successful on the career front and has a lot of challenges on the family front. I wondered how some-
one so smart and skilled could struggle on the family end. After talking to them and asking questions, I
came to fi nd out that their father abandoned them at a young age and their mother turned them over
to their grandparents to be raised. It helped me better understand that person and why their family
situation was in tough shape. Had I not asked questions and listened, my perspective on that individual
would have been skewed. Previously, I was in judgment of that person and now I can have more em-
pathy and patience. That is but just one benefi t
of asking questions.
I remember last Thanksgiving and Christmas
getting together with relatives and while driving
home, I realized how little that family had asked
each other questions about what was going
on in their professional and personal lives. It was
more “surface” talk. It made me sad that so little
real and meaningful communication had taken
place. I encourage you to rev up your curiosity
about people and what is going on in their lives.
Take a moment today to ask them what their
biggest current challenge and success are. Or
next time you are about to judge someone at a
social function or simply reacting to someone,
take some time to ask questions and truly listen . I
believe you will likely make both of your lives bet-
ter as a result! ■

About Jay Gubrud:
For over eighteen years, Jay Gubrud has helped corporations,
associations, their boards and members eliminate roadblocks
to their success. His theme is very unique and one everybody
can relate to ... Cars and Driving! Jay’s articles on perfor-
mance improvement have been in numerous publications
nationwide. You can reach Jay at www.jaygubrud.com and
651-635-9939.

6 Alabama Propane Gas Association | November/December 2017