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forbidden even if the gossiper’s intention is for the subject’s relatives One can assume that after receiving the letter, they will be wary of
to rebuke him, since he should have first rebuked him himself, unless continuing the relationship.
he feels that his rebuke would not be of help, in which case it is per- If the above is not possible, one should send them a veiled warning
mitted. (The Chafetz Chaim also writes (ibid., #3): At times, there is to their homes. There is nothing we can do if one of the spouses finds
a prohibition of lashon hara even about a small child. For example, out about it. The Torah writes (Devarim 22:26): “For just as a man
relaying negative information about a young orphan who is being rises against his fellow and kills him, so is this matter.” In other words,
raised by others in their home is forbidden because this could cause just as we are instructed to prevent murder at any price, to the point
them to send him away.) of giving up all the money in our possession, so too a person must
The source for this is the verse (Bereishis 37:3): “And Yosef brought prevent forbidden relations, and he must do everything in his power
an evil report to their father.” Yosef ’s intent was that their father, Yaa- to break the bond between them. It says (maseches Shevuos 39a) that
kov, rebuke them, as the commentaries there explain. Nevertheless, every person is obligated to come to beis din and testify in order to
he was punished measure for measure, as explained in the Midrash, prevent the sin of forbidden relations. So, too, in our case.
and the wife of Potifar spoke evil gossip about him (Be’er Mayim
Chayim 100:25). 1 SuMMaRy and Conclusions
In light of the above, if we know that telling the parents what hap-
pened to the young boy would be of no benefit, it is forbidden to tell Sometimes there is room to be skeptical about the validity of the
them. story. The treating physician should clarify well whether or not her
However, one should carefully weigh if this is the truth. We learn story is true. If it turns out that the story is true, he should write them
in maseches Kiddushin (30a) that parents play a very central role in an anonymous letter. If that does not help, it the physician must warn
guiding their child. It says there: Rava said to Rabbi Nasan bar Ammi, them that he will publicize their deeds.
“as long as your hand is on your son’s neck,” which is from the age of
16 to 22 (and some say: from the age of 18 to 24).” Rashi explains that
one should rebuke his son at the time that his influence is strongest
over him. This is between the ages of 16 and 22. Before age sixteen
the child does not have the intellectual capability to accept rebuke so A psychologist learns that his patient’s husband
one should not be hard on him with rebuke and punishment. After is causing others to sin
age 22, one should be careful lest the young person reject his father. 1 Question
Thus between the ages of 16 and 22 one is obligated to rebuke his son.
Therefore, in our case, according to Torah law the parents can be of While treating a woman psychologically, it became known to me that
assistance at the age of 14. However, if you see that the father has no her husband abuses boys and girls. He was even excommunicated
influence, you are clearly prohibited from telling him. If the father will from a number of communities abroad for this reason. According to
deal with the issue in a distorted way that will just make things worse, him, he always stops before actually committing a Torah prohibition.
it is forbidden to tell him. For this reason, his wife wants a divorce. After the divorce, he plans
It says in maseches Moed Katan (17a) that the maidservant of Rebbi on moving to the United States. This man gives private lessons to
saw a man hitting his grown son. She said to him: Be excommunicat- the children and thereby establishes a bond with them. Every bond
400 1 Medical-HalacHic Responsa of Rav ZilbeRstein Telling a woman that her spouse is suspected of sin 2 20818_efi-ab - 20818_efi-ab | 13 - B | 18-08-20 | 13:29:05 | SR:-- | Black 20818_efi-ab - 20818_efi-ab | 13 - B | 18-08-20 | 13:29:05 | SR:-- | Cyan 20818_efi-ab - 20818_efi-a
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# 20818_efi-ab - 20818_efi-ab | 13 - B | 18-08-20 | 13:29:05 | SR:-- | Magenta #20818_efi-ab - 20818_efi-ab | 13 - B | 18-08-20 | 13:29:05 | SR:-- | Yellow
