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What is helpful is having an agreement with your partner that invitations to a “healing space” are good, reparative and re- nourishing. The invitation or “invitation to collaborate” itself is a very important part of the work of keeping a relationship going in a positive direction. Another way of saying this is:
“There has to be a healing place in order to be able to invite someone to it.”
Uh oh. That means you need to have a separate conversation about thoughts, feelings and communication. You need to create a healing place together. Yes, you do and it won’t kill you to talk about what words make you feel comfortable hearing if your partner wants to bring something important to your attention. What you are doing is laying out what your invitation to collaborate sounds like. What you are also going to do is spend your time trying to hix problems as opposed to insulting one another.
Some of you are going to push back hard on this idea but if you use the manual of exercises that come with this book (or when you are taking the seminar), or if you invite me to work with you and your partner, I will suggest that when you and your partner are spending time, make an actual invitation. Yes. Make it an arts and crafts project, then talk about it. It is a worthwhile activity even though your initial reaction might be “this is stupid.” Building a healing place and making it an intention is not stupid. Having a working understanding and a method for dealing with disappointment in a relationship is actually pretty smart.
Staying in Love: Secret Recipes For Making Love Last 106