Page 124 - SILFlip

• The relationship is used as a source of emotional nourishment that cannot possibly be fulhilled or satishied by just one person.
• The relationship is used as a way of communicating that every relationship problem is your problem because you are defective.
The hlaws that partners display in any of the above dynamics are the type that create the need for repair and maintenance to return the relationship back to a healthy state — however these are not “small problems.” These are toxic elements that hurt rather than nourish people.
Even in “healthy relationships” partners behave imperfectly, sometimes too much so. The difference is that in healthy relationships, poor behavior is the exception and becomes the subject of apology, forgiveness and repair. The relationship problems I just described all have in common imbalances in power and control. They are fundamentally and disproportionately “out of balance.” Solving these problems is difhicult but not impossible. Both partners must be willing to re-evaluate the relationship and make new promises and commitments that they must demonstrate and that their partner can see. This ultimately restores harmony slowly, usually in an atmosphere of mistrust and where emotional wounds are healing. Thats what makes it so difhicult. Toxic dynamics like those I mentioned above leave scars that are slow to heal.
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