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from other relationships) that the “normal expectation” is to feel like the less competent, less worthwhile human being.
Also, there is a tendency for people to (mistakenly) assume that:
“The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know.”
In other words you know what you have now, but what comes next might be worse. This assumption is a mistaken one because the devil you think you know usually gets worse over time. Habits work in both directions. Good relationship habits become stronger and fortify relationships. Bad habits escalate conhlict and desensitize abusive partners resulting in more and worse abuse.
Another way of distinguishing when bad love is a driving force in a partnership is to come to grips with who a certain behavior is benehiting. When behavior is unselhish it promotes both the partner and the relationship more than it promotes the self. However when behavior is domineering and controlling there is little motivation to benehiting the partner or the relationship and is meant only to elevate the self.
Gaslighting happens often in bad love. Here is an example:
A married couple enjoying a New Year’s Eve dinner is interrupted by the buzzing of the husband’s beeper. He is an internist who loves his patients and is on call whenever they need him. Apparently he loved one of his patients a bit too much. His beeper went off at 11pm on New
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