Page 51 - SILFlip

It’s hine to know what you want, and to develop reasonable expectations around what you think you should be getting from a partner, but you have to put in the work of knowing what your partner wants and needs as well. If you don’t and your partner is asking for that attention and you are disappointing that expectation, you are creating an “equity imbalance” in your relationship; and equity imbalances are at the source of most partnership disappointments. More on that later. It’s also possible that your partner might never be satishied with the attention you provide. When that happens it is helpful to engage in a discussion that starts like this:
“I would really like to understand more about what you need from me that you don’t think I might be giving. Tell me I am wrong or tell me what I can do to give you more of what you want.”
If you recall that is “an invitation to collaborate.” Your partner might not be able to express what they want but knowing that you are willing to listen to the “ask,” is a source of comfort.
We forget to validate our partner or we validate them less by assuming they know they are special
Sometimes you have to stroke your partner even when they don’t ask for it or expect it.
Someone told me just the other day,
Staying in Love: Secret Recipes For Making Love Last 51