Page 104 - The Intentional Parent

will settle for if they cannot get what they want. That second prize is the thrill of seeing YOU have a meltdown and screaming “GET AWAY FROM ME NOW!” or saying “STOP IT I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!” while looking like you have your hair on backwards.
Children receive “secondary gain” by seeing you meltdown. On the simplest level it is a button pushing challenge to your leadership role. It is as if kids are proving...”If you are going to make me feel bad, I am going to make you feel bad. “
From a leadership perspective, relentless nagging, whining and negotiating is a direct challenge to your leadership position. Combine your withdrawal of attention with the lessons you learned in the section “The Tau of No.” You don’t have to ignore a behavior until it completely peters out. Start by ignoring the behavior, and then apply a firm “No,” then ignore what follows.
It is often necessary to interrupt behavior that you have first started to ignore, because let’s face it, you don’t always have the time to outlive the torrent at hand. Think before you screech. I observed the following in a shopping mall:
A child of about seven (way to big to carry) had an idea that only she thought was a good one:
“Mom I want to ride on your back!”
The mother’s reply was, “No, Nancy, no!”
“Mom, I want a ride.”
The mother’s response was “My back hurts from yesterday’s ride. I can’t do it.”
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 104