Page 119 - The Intentional Parent

minutes, there are going to be consequences later. It's your choice." Then, walk away. The advantage that parents have over kids is that kids need their parents for everything: rides to friends' houses, treats, dessert, television privileges. Over time, you can make it clear to your child that if she doesn't want to go to time out, she will not have access to all of those perks and goodies that parents provide for their children—it's as simple as that. Later on in the day when your child wants a special favor you say (without spiteful-ness or hostility), "When I told you to take a time out before, you wouldn't go to your room and cool down. That made me quite upset. If you do something that is wrong and I ask you to go to time out, I expect that you will go, cool off, and come out. Then we can both forget about it. I can't do what you want today, but tomorrow's another day, and I won't be upset anymore, and hopefully you'll listen to me when I ask you to take your time out."
This little speech usually works wonders, but you have to stick to your guns and be sure you don't make a battle out of it. Some kids will test you on it, and the stubborn kids will frustrate you to tears. Be firm.
DOING CHORES
I've tried every positive way I can think of to get my nine-year- old son to cooperate around the house. The only thing that seems to work is when I take things away from him. My wife and I feel very guilty over the fact that the only way we can get our son to do his chores is by constantly threatening him. What can we do to motivate him?
Parents and children fall into patterns in the way they communicate and deal with one another. You and your wife have managed to
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 119