Page 88 - The Intentional Parent

Consequences Can Be a Type of Reinforcement
Most parents can be easily confused by the technical differences between “punishment” and “reinforcement.” Simply put, punishment is anything meant to reduce the frequency of a behavior. Reinforcement makes behavior happen more often.
If you wash a child’s mouth out with soap after he says a bad word, you are punishing the child. You are telling him you don’t want him to say that word any more. If instead, you praise a child for being polite, and you want him to be polite more often, you are reinforcing that behavior so it happens more often.
Often, the difference between rewards and punishments boil down to whether you emphasize the positive aspects of behavior (rewarding for being more polite) or the negative aspects (punishing to be less of a potty mouth).
There is a term called “negative reinforcement” which concentrates on avoiding or escaping something unpleasant. Let’s say that a parent is dealing with siblings and trying to promote more civilized behavior between them. Examine this instruction, which is positive reinforcement: “If you and your sister can get along, you can watch the movie you both wanted to see and stay up an hour later tonight.”
There’s a lot going on in this instruction, and what is NOT said is just as important as what IS said. I am going to break it down for you:
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 88