Page 41 - SAFFER 06

story was coming along just fine… but I the carpet. I reached down before looking speak, spill your guts, tell all… it will lift
needed a connect… a form of endorse- up. Two startled faces returned my gaze. the lid. Free you, or at least begin your
ment… an intro. Does that make sense?” The doctor spoke, softly… seemingly recovery…”
“Maybe… but it could be a lot clearer if afraid that anything loud would set me “OK… was it the movie or was it the
you tell me about the dreams. Not the off again. music?”
details… just what you think triggered “That was very real... you were shooting I didn’t wait for her to continue… my
them.” at us… blazing away.” mouth took over… following my brain’s
Now I knew Lynn must’ve told her more She paused, unsure how to continue. instructions. Defensive mode activated.
than I hoped. Bloody flipping hell… “We were your enemy…” “Flip doctor, if I knew I’d be able to get
women! I sat, staring at the beer bottle. Silence, she was too hesitant for my my life back, surely?”
The label’s letters blurred… swirled and liking. “Apologies… yes, you’re correct.”
morphed themselves into a fire spitting “We want to help, no… we need to help OK, that got her to back off. Now, all I
gunship. Flames everywhere… huts you. Could you think of the reason why needed was to get Lynn off my case and
burning… staccato rat a tat-tat… rat your war has returned? Lynn told me this maybe I could escape the ordeal. I needed
a tat-tat of AK47 fire. Chopper blades is recent… that as long as she’s been with to be on my own.
whirring… boom, boom of 20mm fire… you you’ve been mostly free from the war. “I need air… now… on my own… my
shoot the tossers… kill the mothers of Why now… what has changed?” space.”
misery! The fires burned brighter… we I gulped at the fresh beer she’d handed This time my body obeyed. I rose, ignor-
were falling… into the blaze… falling me… needing to lubricate my parched ing their protestations and let myself out
into their war. Flames… fire… pain! throat before speaking. of the room… and out of the surgery.
“This happens more often these days… “I watched a movie… on the Tube. Just Freedom… or my path back to my war?
not only at night. Not only the night- because I loved it way back then… and It mattered little. I needed the roaring
mares… flashbacks are more frequent…” always loved the theme song. It took me wind and driving rain to cleanse me… to
I didn’t hear them… all I saw was two four goes to get through one movie…” wash my soul… to drive me to my edge.
enemy faces staring from the flames… Tiresome… explaining something I It didn’t take long to reach the clifftop
subversion… using pretty faces to tor- didn’t understand. I needed escape, to get overlooking our favourite beach. My
ture. Hollow echoes… wailing mournful- out of this confined corner. Run… run edge, I’d arrived. I faced the choice…
ly… loss, death… fire…falling… always from the flames. I half rose but my legs to plunge down into my war’s roaring
falling! were jelly, my body was denying me. flames… or to be stronger. To confront
“Restlessness… agitation… withdrawal… Lynn found her voice. the edge… or to surrender, that choice
angst and anger! Sometimes, he curls into “Sit buster… drink that beer, you’re going was solely mine. Yes, I could accept help
a ball and rocks, like a sobbing, wounded nowhere soon!” but overcoming my edge was my choice.
child.” Trapped! Flip, flip… FLIP – torture per- I turned slowly, the torment still tug-
It took minutes to realise where I was… sonified! Lynn wasn’t going to let go. ging… I’d found the strength to turn
to realise the beer bottle was lying be- “Stay down… we need to find something from my edge… the edge of my war.
tween my feet… its contents seeped into that will help. The doctor thinks if you Now I could return to love’s freedom!

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