Page 40 - SAFFER 06
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Edge of War                         her to say. I also realised that she may,   informal.”
                                                                                “Yes… totally informal. Please don’t see
                                            wrongly or rightly, be siding with the
                                            doctor.                             this as a professional medical consulta-
        “Thirty seconds… please define PTSD?”  “For eff’s sake… you can’t do this to me.”   tion.”
        She shot me a quizzical glance, so I elabo-  I was really chipped off. Bloody flipping   She removed three beers from the under-
        rated a little.                     hell… how could the two of them sud-  counter fridge, handing me one and of-
        “Psychiatric help always required… or   denly make assumptions about a question  fering Lynn one. Lynn declined, choosing
        not?”                               I asked?                            a bottle of water instead.
        “Yes, depending on the symptoms’ sever-  “Yes, I can… yes, I will!”      “I presume you won’t say much either
        ity... and the verified confirmation of the   Another of those long, hard stares. She   way… until you’re ready to share what’s
        diagnosis…”                         was determined to drag me to the doctor.  on your mind. However, I’m intrigued,
        “Thanks.”                           “I can and will… because I live with   why did you really ask the PTSD question
        The quizzical look remained but, as I’d   you… I share your space… I see you   in the first place?”
        butted in before we left her rooms, after   hiding from yourself…”      I didn’t answer immediately so Lynn took
        visiting for a non-related appointment, I   “What? I’m not hiding from anything…   it upon herself to become my spokesper-
        couldn’t push my luck further. It would   never mind from myself.”      son.
        be bold of me to use Lynn’s time to pur-  She chose to ignore me, instead getting   “He’s having nightmares, again. So, he
        sue my agenda.                      out of the car and indicating that I should   decided to write a short story… cathartic,
        I held the door open for my good lady   follow.                         he said.”
        and was about to step out of the room   “Come, we go walking… we only need to   Both women looked at me, expecting me
        when the doctor spoke.              see the doctor in an hour’s time.”  to take up the story. A line from the story
        “Why do you ask?”                   I followed… reluctantly. Seems my ques-  jumped out at me… something I’d said
        “OH, don’t mind me… just research…   tioning of the doctor was going to cause   in passing to a fellow veteran. A sentence
        for a short story I’m working on.”  more trouble that I’d anticipated. Yes,   I’d worked into the story… because it
        I turned - to give her a last look. The   I’d stirred the pot to some degree… but   sounded right.
        bemused look lingered. She really wasn’t   surely not enough to get my own partner
        sure if I was serious or if she should   turning sides on me? Oh well… I’ll act   “You’ve got to remember, somewhere
        accept my vague explanation. However, I   dumb and deflect their probing.  along the line… soldiers can leave their
        didn’t want the moment to drag on, so I   We walked in silence, as we often did,   military, but their military never leaves
        stepped from the room and allowed the   letting the ocean’s soft melody wash away   them…”
        door to close. It closed loudly, making me   our angst. I was just beginning to relax
        jump. Flipping automatic door closers…   when we had to turn back.      The line shut them up, for at least thirty
        could nobody set them up correctly?   “Better get to the surgery… I bet she’d be   seconds. Lynn spoke first but I wondered
        I wondered - do doctors realise some   miffed if we show up late, especially since   if the doctor wasn’t purposely letting
        patients jumped… yet, others didn’t seem   she’s staying on later, just for us.”  Lynn do the speaking? Had some coach-
        affected?                           I obeyed, not bothering to say anything.   ing taken place?
        The moment passed… shoved to the back   Why waste my breath? We were soon   “Why did you decide to write the story?”
        of my mind, until Lynn questioned a few   back in the car and on our way to the   They both looked me up and down, dou-
        days later.                         doctor’s rooms. I seemed to be a passen-  ble scrutiny… double the trouble? Lynn
        “Why did you spring that question on   ger in this all, literally and figuratively.   continued,
        her?”                               However, I reminded myself… no one   “Why now? You’ve written many other
        We were sitting at the beach. The gently   was to blame… I was a passenger by my   tales about the military and aviation but
        lapping waves caressing away the daily   own making. I was still muttering under   never anything like this…”
        stress. Here, I could be myself. I could   my breath when the doctor opened the   The doctor added her two cent’s worth.
        dream my dreams. The washing waves of   surgery’s door to let us in.    “What set off the dreams? Why are you
        tranquillity, that was the reality of a beach   “Hello, good of you to come for a chat.”  experiencing the past terrors?”
        visit. I could spend hours at the beach…   I looked her up and down, classy… rather   “Terrors?”
        and make like the rest of the world’s cares   shapely when she scrubbed up. I looked   I looked at her quizzingly, why that word?
        don’t mean a thing.                 my partner up and down… yes, she too   “Yes… PTSD and terror go hand in hand,
        “The PTSD question…”                was classy, even dressed in a baggy leisure   don’t they?”
        I hoped she wouldn’t push but it seemed   outfit. I supressed the thoughts. Better I   I sighed; must I answer?
        I’d hoped in vain.                  mind myself, I really didn’t want to hand   “You’re the doctor… surely you must
        “What does it matter? Just let it go.”  them any advantage. The doctor led us   have the answer to that one? You asked
        “No… I can’t. The doctor phoned earlier.   into a small lounge area off her rooms.   us…”
        She wants to see you… she wants us to   “Let’s keep this totally informal… do take   Lynn cut me off before I could do more
        call in, for a brief chat. She asked about   a seat. Tea, coffee… beer? I’ll allow for   damage.
        your short story… was it factional or   beer as it’s way past six and all the staff   “Easy Karl, you’re on thin ice… remem-
        fictional?”                         are long gone…”                     ber, this is an informal chat… not a
        “What did you say?”                 Totally informal then… a trap, or not?  bitching session.”
        She gave me a long, hard stare. I realised   “I’m not driving… so, I’ll go for the beer,   “Ok, sorry Doc, my mistake. Let me re-
        she may’ve said more than I’d wished for   if you’ll join me… as you said, totally   visit the day I asked you the question. The

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