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In other words, successful parents both do more on their own as they get older.
expect their children to work through life’s
trials and also to adhere to rules and limits >Ğƚ͛Ɛ 'Ğƚ WƌĂĐƟĐĂů
that are prescribed by family or communiͲ
ty. While these two parental models (warm How do you manage to achieve both a
and friendly vs. Įrm and demandingͿ seem warm and Įrm parenƟng style? According
at odds with one another, Dr. Phelan mainͲ to Dr. Phelan, there are three main parentͲ
tains that they are not contradictory at all. ing jobs:
Instead, some situaƟons call from a warm ͻ :ob ηϭ: ontrolling obnoxious beͲ
and friendly parenƟng style, whereas othͲ havior. This type of behavior includes
ers situaƟons call for a Įrm and demandͲ whining, arguing, teasing, tantrums, yellͲ
ing one. And, there are even some situaͲ ing, and ĮghƟng.
Ɵons that call for both styles. &or instance, ͻ :ob ηϮ: ncouraging good behavior.
think about bedƟme with small children. This type of behavior includes cleaning up
One the one hand, the warm and friendly aŌer yourself, going to sleep calmly, being
parenƟng style allows you to snuggle, read kind to siblings, doing homework, and reͲ
bedƟme stories, and sing ^hmah. On the specƟng authority.
other hand, the Įrm and demanding one ͻ :ob ηϯ ^trengthening your relaƟonͲ
insists that before all of those warm and ship with your children. This parenƟng job
friendly things can happen, children need involves the “liking” part of parenƟng. InͲ
to bathe, brush their teeth, and change stead of only loving your children, this part
into pajamas. includes developing a relaƟonship with
Bulletin
your children so that you like them as indiͲ
The warm parenƟng style indicates to chilͲ viduals as well.
dren, “I love you and will take care of you”
and the Įrm parenƟng style lets children How is it possible to do these jobs well?
know, “I expect something from you.” And how do the diīerent style of parentͲ
^omeƟmes it is hard for us to understand ing Įt into these jobs? &irst, you have
how these two styles come together, but to idenƟfy what behaviors you want your
if you think about it, the ulƟmate goal of child to stop (:ob ηϭͿ and what behaviors
parenƟng is to grow up and leave home you want your child to start (:ob ηϮͿ. Once
one day to make it on their own. If you you idenƟfy those behaviors, you then emͲ
are both warm and Įrm, you are both enͲ ploy diīerent strategies based on whether
couraging growth and respecƟng your chilͲ they are a “stop” or a “start” behavior.
dren’s growing independence. The mergͲ
ing of these two styles allows children to
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