Page 79 - YOU CAN WIN - SHIV KHERA

RokZRooM Special ! You Can Win by Shiv Khera

to so and so, he or she is very sensitive. What they are really saying is that the person is
touchy, so be careful.

♦ They have negative expectations of themselves and others and are seldom
disappointed.
♦ They lack confidence.
1. They constantly seek approval and validation from others. Seeking approval is
different from seeking a second opinion, which really means consultation.
2. Bragging about themselves is also a sign of lack of confidence.
3. Submissive or timid behavior. These are people who constantly apologize for their
existence. They are always putting themselves down, which is different from being
humble. Humility comes from confidence whereas putting yourself down comes from
lack of it.
A person who lacks confidence cannot be an effective leader. Others sense this lack
of confidence, which results in a lack of respect.
4. Lack of assertiveness. People with low self esteem are not willing to stand up for their
belief. On the other hand, being unduly aggressive is also a sign of poor self-esteem.
Being aggressive in situations that require compassion does not amount to
assertiveness.
5. A lack of confidence results in conformist behavior. If everybody is doing it, then so
should I. Every day we see people giving in to peer pressure, knowing full well what
they are doing could be detrimental yet they do it to be accepted. People with low self-
esteem go along to get along. They are looking for outside validation because they
lack confidence in themselves.
6. Keeping up with the Joneses--pretense
When people try to keep up with the Joneses, they spend money they haven't earned,
they buy things they don't need, and they try to impress people they don't like.
7. Nonconformist or attention-seeking behavior.
In order to gain attention, people with poor self esteem might do senseless things just
to stand out and be noticed. They get a kick and a sense of importance from
perversion. Some people choose to do wrong and be wrong just to be deferent and
gain attention. Examples are people who brag excessively, the classroom clown, etc.

♦ They are indecisive and do not accept responsibility. Lack of courage and fear of
criticism lead to indecisive behavior.
♦ They rebel against authority. I make a distinction between rebelling out of the courage
of one's convictions and rebelling because of poor self esteem. All the great world
leaders, such as Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Abraham Lincoln, were
rebels. They rebel against authority out of the courage of their convictions; a person
with low self-esteem rebels against authority just because it is authority, even when
the authority is right.
♦ They are anti-social and may be withdrawn.
♦ They lack a sense of direction and have an "I don't care" attitude which is reflected in
their behavior. They have a hard time giving or receiving compliments. In giving, they
feel they might be misconstrued and in receiving they feel they are undeserving.
Feeling unworthy is not humility.
♦ Too much emphasis on material things

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