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6 Stories to Make Sane People Believe 9

6 True Stories to Make

Sane People Believe in

‘X’mas Miracles

by Robin Warder

We live in a cold, cynical world where miracles
only seem to come in "Whip" and "Gro" variety,
except around Christmas time. That's when you
start hearing about "Christmas miracles," those
amazing tales about people overcoming
impossible odds that the media probably made
up to sell more Internet newspapers. Not these
ones, though. These are all complete real
Christmas stories that should come with a
Surgeon General's warning because they'll make
your heart grow three sizes:

6. Couple Discovers an Abandoned
Newborn Baby in the Middle of the
Desert
son by performing an emergency cesarean Day? What? But more importantly: HOW?!
In 1931, Ed and Julia Stewart were driving section on the clinically dead woman. They got No one is really sure how Alcides
home on Christmas Eve when they suddenly got the baby out but the newborn was very weak survived the accident, including his doctors.
a flat in the middle of the Arizona desert. While with a rapidly diminishing pulse. The staff then Even Michio Kaku, the Internet's favorite non-
her husband changed the tire, Mrs. Stewart handed the dying baby over to Mr. Tyson, non-Nye super scientist guy, attributes it
wandered off for a bit, and because what Hermanstorfer, assumingly so he could get a mostly to luck, which is the closest a physicist
happened next was so amazing, we won't even good, close look at his life going straight down will ever come to calling something a "miracle."
imply that she was probably just looking for a the toilet. Still, crashing down 500 feet into
place to piss. Mrs. Stewart came across an old That's when the universe yelled "You've concrete probably left Alcides crippled for life,
hatbox, with an abandoned (but totally healthy) been Punk'd!" and Mrs. Hermanstorfer's heart right? For your information, Ebenezer Grinch,
newborn girl inside. miraculously started beating on its own. Soon not only did Alcides learn to walk again, but just
Now, this all took place a few miles after that, her son's pulse stabilized, and he this past year, he completed a three-mile walk
outside of Superior, Arizona, a tiny town which began breathing normally. They both eventually for charity in just under an hour.
in 1931 was probably only populated by the made a full recovery, with the mom not showing
Stewarts and an old dachshund with polio. Even any side effects from being technically dead for 3. Ship Rescues 14,000 Korean
today, there is literally nothing surrounding the four minutes. Refugees With Zero Casualties
town but a depressing wasteland, so just think And no, shit like this doesn't just happen
what kind of astronomical odds it took for the in childbirth -- to this day, the docs at the
couple to get a flat tire in close proximity to the hospital have absolutely zero clue as to what In December 1950, after the start of the Korean
discarded baby, allowing them to save her life. caused a healthy woman with no history of heart War, thousands of North Koreans were
What's even more incredible is that the problems to suffer a cardiac arrest, or how she gathering at the Hungnam docks, hoping for one
Stewarts then decided to hand the little just got over it like that. The parents later of the Allied ships there to get them somewhere
Christmas miracle over to the authorities so she decided to name their son "Coltyn," reckoning less massacre-y. Unfortunately, by the time they
could be legally adopted by properly vetted that if he survived this shit, he can survive high got there, there weren't many ships left and it
people. Unlike some folks. school with a name like that. didn't seem realistically possible to rescue
Seventeen couples applied to adopt the everyone. Thankfully, the SS Meredith Victory,
a small ship stationed in Hungnam, was
"Hatbox Baby" but due to bad weather, only two
4. Man Falls 47 Stories, Wakes Up on captained by Leonard LaRue: a firm believer
of them managed to show up to the hearing. The
Christmas Day that one shouldn't concern himself with silly
judge ultimately granted custody to one couple
things like "reality" where human life is at
who named the child "Sharon" and raised the
shit out her. Sharon Elliott never met her Alcides and Edgar Moreno were working as stake.
window washers at New York City's Solow Despite the fact that the Meredith
biological parents, but with the support of her
Tower in 2007 when their scaffolding suddenly Victory was designed to hold 60 people at most,
adopted parents, she did eventually work in the
collapsed and the brothers plunged 47 floors LaRue ordered all 14,000 North Korean
aerospace industry, which, considering that she
down into an alley below. Edgar was killed refugees to get on his damn boat, which was sort
was a woman raised in 1930s Arizona, is a
instantly, but Alcides not only survived the fall, of like stuffing 200 people into one coffin. All
miracle in its own right.
but was already sitting when the paramedics the refugees did manage to get on board but
arrived. they were packed so tightly in the cargo holds
5. Woman Dies During Childbirth,
After the window cleaner was rushed to and on the ship's deck that they couldn't even sit
Then Just Comes Back to Life the hospital, doctors had to perform surgery on down.
Alcides' ... pretty much everything. Over the
On Christmas Eve 2009, Tracy Hermanstorfer next 18 days, Alcides slipped into a coma and (Continued on Page 11)
was at a Colorado Springs hospital about to give underwent nine complex surgeries during which
birth to her first child. But suddenly, disaster he had gallons of blood and plasma pumped into
struck as Mrs. Hermanstorfer unexpectedly him. And you just know that in all that time, at
went into cardiac arrest, probably because she least person thought to themselves, "Aren't we
realized that she'll now have to get her kid a just wasting time here?" We don't mean to be
birthday and a Christmas present at the same insensitive, but given the height of his fall, the
time. man was on borrowed time as it were. It was
After the mother's heartbeat came to a only a matter of time before he ... woke up
standstill, the doctors tried to at least save her perfectly coherent from the coma on Christmas