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FEATURE | EASTERN HORIZON 19

over the years, that hard distinction between practice who can exert their will and communicate with us,
time and everything else blurs and, in time, dissolves. our notion of practice expands yet again. We are now
We end up going where our teachers were pointing interacting with another being much more intensively
us all along: to the understanding that there’s no than anyone else, except perhaps our partner, than ever
distinction between practice time and every moment. before. We find a need to understand the relational
Every moment is practice. nature of practice and awakening. In essence, we make
that critical shift from me to we. As our children push
And, that scarcity of time and energy makes the us to engage with our community in new ways, that
opportunity to formally practice all the more valued “we” expands further, and the “we” of a family unit
– dare I say, sacred. I remember, a few years after becomes the “we” of a community. This opening of
childbirth, the first time I was able to attend 40-minute relationship leads to a felt sense of interconnectedness.
meditation at a nearby temple. The silence, the chance We might find ourselves reflecting on how that toy
to sit quietly, the occasion to practice with other adults, we purchased at Target created air pollution around
and the opportunity to listen to a full dharma talk all felt the factory outside Beijing that someone else’s
like warm water flowing from the heavens and washing equally beloved child now breathes. I found that the
through me. Knowing that ten different arrangements teachings that spoke most to me shifted from ones
must be made in order to create that window of practice addressing individual, personal suffering to ones on
spurs us to use our time wisely and more seriously interconnectedness and compassion.
than when we had more leisure. And knowing that the
personal transformation that happens in formal practice In addition, the intimacy of this relationship often
has a direct impact on the quality of our parenting can reveals our most vulnerable, immature, and wounded
motivate and focus us to use the time more fully than places. With a partner, we can negotiate, explicitly or
when less was at stake. silently, what gets touched and what we let lie. That
simply doesn’t happen with a child. We get exposed
But, more significantly, family life may force us to whether we like it or not. This is especially true if we’ve
expand our ideas of practice. Sometimes, the body been using the dharma to bypass the stuff that scares
becomes so exhausted from the labor of childcare – us. No longer. Many parents remark that their children
the early years require immense physical exertion are inadvertent Zen masters, reducing them to heaps of
– that certain forms, such as sitting still, are almost humiliation as they fumble their way forward. Anything
impossible. It may be that bowing or hatha yoga are that turns a competent adult to a puddle of tears and
more appropriate on a particular day. At other times, snot tends to be good for awakening.
the mind is exhausted: try formal practice after dealing
with a child’s temper tantrum. For that, chanting may As the kids grow and begin making their own choices,
help collect the scattered mind and move frustrated our path takes a new turn. Now, teachings on ethics
energy through the system. There may be other days in and character formation become highly relevant.
which one’s mind receives precious little stimulation. Whatever we have concluded is the best way to proceed
Childcare can be mind-numbingly boring, particularly for ourselves, we now have to articulate that for our
before the children are able to speak. On those days, children. Why is it harmful to take stuff that isn’t
reading or study can provide helpful perspective and ours? How is speaking honestly and kindly good for
rejuvenation. Over time, we can bring balance and relationships? Why is generosity important? Having to
richness to our path by incorporating more of these verbalize – to teach – these points to our children forces
different forms. us to become clearer and more articulate. We also find
we can’t be hypocritical; whatever rationalization we
Anything that turns a competent adult to a puddle of had before for being naughty, now we’ve got someone
tears and snot tends to be good for awakening. watching us. In sum, parenthood turns up the heat,
As our children develop into their own little people baking our ethics into us. And, in explaining all this to