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18 EASTERN HORIZON | FEATURE
Even in the daily insanity of parenthood, your Buddhist
practice can thrive. Sumi Loundon Kim explains: it’s all
about how you see it.
Most of us with Buddhist backgrounds assume that
the dharma will help us become better parents.
Mindfulness, for example, restrains reactivity in favor
of a more well-considered response. But perhaps we’ve
got it backwards: parenting radically changes our
dharma – and, if we let it, much for the better.
For Buddhists, the most immediate effect of
motherhood or fatherhood is on our cherished quiet,
The author with her family. Photo by Sunshine Scoville. dedicated time for practice. Whether we meditate,
chant, or study texts, between the sheer lack of time
and profound levels of exhaustion, it’s nearly impossible
How Practice to sustain whatever daily practice time we had before.
And retreats? Forget about it! As one Zen teacher mom
shared, you can be away from your child one day for
Can Actually every grade they’re in. This means it could be 5-10
years before you’re on silent retreat again.
Get Better For non-parents, the idea of giving up daily practice and
retreat time is horrifying – enough to dissuade some
after Having from even considering child-rearing. But this perceived
loss forces us to rethink what we consider core Buddhist
practice and — perhaps — diversify our practice
Children portfolio. In the early years of caregiving, I had to develop
a much more integrated form of meditation. I practiced
By Sumi Loundon Kim | February 27 2018 during nursing. I practiced while putting the kids to sleep.
I practiced while showering. I practiced when I took the
baby for a walk. Everyday applied mindfulness became
much more important. Instead of half-assed “mindfully”
chopping vegetables, it became really mindfully chopping
vegetables. Folding laundry was not a time for lazy
mindfulness. Really tune in, girl.
As pArenting And practice develop over the years, that
hard distinction between practice time and everything
Sumi Loundon Kim is the Buddhist chaplain at Yale else blurs.
University and founder of the Mindful Families
of Durham. She is editor of the anthologies Blue
As someone who’d prioritized sitting meditation
Jean Buddha and The Buddha’s Apprentices, from
as “real” meditation, this shift toward intentional,
Wisdom Publications, and the author of Sitting applied mindfulness built a critical bridge between
Together: A Family-Centered Curriculum on formal sitting and performing in a way that had been
Mindfulness, Meditation, and Buddhist Teachings. theoretical before. As parenting and practice develop
