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FACE TO FACE | EASTERN HORIZON 39

course there is samatha or calm-abiding meditation, In daily life, especially when dealing with difficult
which expressly helps develop equanimity in our minds. people, how do we ensure that others do not take
Tong-len meditation helps us cultivate compassion advantage of our patience?
equally for all beings, those who are close to us, those
who frustrate us, and those we don’t know. It is very Healthy boundary setting and communication are
useful for overcoming our aversion to others. We can essential. Patience and equanimity do not equate to
also say the 4 Immeasurables prayer - the last line is the being taken advantage of. We have to be prepared to
wish for all sentient beings to experience equanimity say “no” to others when this is happening. There’s a
– and all sentient beings includes us! When we say this saying that I love that comes from 12-step programs,
prayer on a daily basis it reminds us of equanimity as an including Alcoholics Anonymous: “no is a complete
aspiration we are making. sentence.” Meaning, we don’t always have to explain
ourselves or justify setting boundaries with others, we
The problem that sometimes arise with the practice can just politely explain that something doesn’t work for
of equanimity is that it leads to indifference. What us. This is a very important skill to develop. Ironically,
must we cultivate to ensure that indifference or a it can actually help us develop greater patience and
‘couldn’t care less’ attitude does not arise in our equanimity. When we feel taken advantage of, we
practice? naturally have strong emotional reactions, but when we
feel comfortable and confident setting boundaries, we
True equanimity is not indifference. If we find ourselves don’t get as upset if we feel someone is trying to take
feeling that we “couldn’t care less” towards others, then advantage.
we have accidentally slipped into a kind of numbing or
detachment. This is totally understandable. The world Buddhist teachings talk about non-self or the
is a difficult place, especially right now, and there are so illusion of self. Humility is therefore an antidote
many stressors we are coping with. Unconsciously there for an inflated self. But how do we prevent humility
can be a strong pull to transcend suffering by numbing from becoming negative self-criticism?
out. It’s very easy to unintentionally use meditation to
do that. I think genuine humility is more about equalizing
ourself and others, not lowering ourselves as beneath
When we find ourselves in this state of mind in an others. In Buddhism, every life is precious. That’s why
ongoing way, we don’t need to blame ourselves. We we abstain from killing. And if every life is precious,
just need to reconnect with compassion. We can reflect that includes our own. We don’t need to use harsh
on the suffering of those we love, especially if we have criticism to become more humble. If we find we are
loved ones who are dealing with illness or some other feeling superior to others, we can reflect on the good
trauma. We can read stories in the news and imagine qualities they have that we don’t have in order to create
what it would be like to experience the suffering a more realistic, balanced perspective. We also can think
described there. For me, when I contemplate stories of about the areas that we need to grow in order to deflate
survivors of human trafficking it arises naturally. The a sense of superiority, acknowledge our faults, so to
horror they have experienced is unimaginable. The speak. But this is different from negative self-criticism.
Covid-19 pandemic provides a lot of opportunity for this.
For example, we can take a few moments to reflect on Buddhist teachings also tell us that pride is not just
what it would feel like to die from this illness: unable to thinking we are superior to others, but also that we
breathe, perhaps very scared, alone because our loved are inferior. This may lead to false humility which
ones are not allowed to be in the hospital with us. People can be a manifestation of an inferiority complex.
are experiencing this. Compassion arises naturally. How do you overcome false humility when it arises?

Equanimity is also linked to the quality of patience.