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Editorial

Spiritual Bypassing, Escapism, and

Misunderstanding Buddhism

The term spiritual bypassing was coined by psychologist The Buddha said, “It is as if the roof of a great house has
John Welwood in the early 1980s. He observed that many collapsed” (Sāriputta Sutta, SN 47.13). He compared
spiritual practitioners—including himself, a practitioner Sāriputta’s passing to the loss of a central support beam,
of Tibetan Buddhism—were using spirituality to avoid revealing the depth of their relationship. He continued,
emotional pain by hiding behind spiritual ideas. “When Sāriputta passed away, it was as if the twin peaks
of a great mountain had crumbled.” This metaphor
Recently, two examples of spiritual bypassing came to my
reflected not only Sāriputta’s importance in the Saṅgha,
attention. In many cases, spiritual bypassing manifests
but also the Buddha’s emotional and relational depth.
subtly and is often rooted in a misunderstanding of
Buddhism. It can become a quiet form of escapism—not This story reminds us that even the Buddha
just from the world, but from ourselves. experienced the natural emotion of loss. But he did not
cling to grief. He acknowledged it, reflected on it, and
The first incident involved a practitioner’s
remained at peace.
interpretation of “non-attachment.” He understood
it as avoiding emotional engagement entirely. As a This is true non-attachment: to feel deeply and openly,
result, he became emotionally distant from his young without repression—yet not be overwhelmed or
child, believing that forming a close bond was a form enslaved by emotion.
of “clinging.” He stopped showing affection, including
The Buddha taught anicca (impermanence), but he
hugs, and justified it by saying: “I must practice non-
also modeled emotional openness and compassion.
attachment. This child is not mine; he is impermanent.”
A true understanding of impermanence includes
But this isn’t non-attachment—it’s emotional being fully present with the arising and passing of
detachment. True non-attachment allows for love grief—not avoiding it. The Middle Way is not clinging
without possessiveness; it doesn’t require the avoidance to grief, but also not denying it. A wise relationship to
of love altogether. impermanence recognizes that it applies not only to
external things, but also to emotions—which must be
The second example occurred when a meditator’s
fully felt to pass through.
parent passed away. He refused to mourn or even speak
about the loss, though I could sense his inner distress. While Buddhist teachings offer powerful tools for
He insisted, “I’m not attached to my father. My father peace and insight, they can be misused—often
was never truly here.” While the truth of impermanence unintentionally—to avoid emotional growth,
remains, grief is also a natural human response. accountability, or action. Spiritual bypassing is not a
Suppressing grief in the name of non-attachment leads failure of Buddhism itself, but a distortion of its teachings
to emotional repression—not liberation. when used to escape rather than engage with life.

When Ānanda informed the Buddha of Sāriputta’s “To love without knowing how to grieve is like trying to
death, the Buddha responded not with denial or harvest without first having sown the seed.”
detachment, but with profound reflection. He did — Thich Nhat Hanh, No Death, No Fear (2002)
not grieve in a worldly sense of clinging, but he
Benny Liow
acknowledged the emotional impact of the loss—even
as an awakened being.
September 1, 2025