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LEAD ARTICLE | EASTERN HORIZON 5

that knows it—his view of the view—reflect many stuff that I did, the hours that I put in on the cushion, the
similarities with Dzogchen, so I thought it might be number of mantras that I recited, or how strictly I kept
helpful to describe some of these, as well as some of the all the rules. It was more about embodying the spirit of
methods taught by Ajahn Sumedho, his senior Western non becoming, nonstriving in everything I did. It then
student. I will also try to provide other angles or points dawned on me that the importance of non striving was
of view from the Theravada tradition that have some something Ajahn Sumedho had been teaching for many
bearing on our understanding and practice in this area. years; I just hadn’t been hearing it.
The Faster You Hurry, the Slower You Go Ajahn Sumedho would encourage an awareness of

what we call “the becoming tendency.” In Pali the word
It’s easy to get very busy with spiritual life, even
for this is “bhava,” and in the Tibetan tradition the
driven and obsessive. During the first 10 years of my
word is used in the same way. It describes the desire
monastic life, I became a somewhat fanatical monk. This
to become something. You do this to get that. It’s that
might sound like an oxymoron, but it is by no means
kind of busy-ness and doing-ness—taking hold of the
impossible. I was trying to do everything 120 percent. I
method, the practices, the rules, and the mechanics of
would get up super early in the morning and do all sorts
it in order to get somewhere. This habit is the cause of
of ascetic practices, all kinds of special pujas and such
many of our troubles.
like. I wasn’t even lying down; I didn’t lie down to sleep
for about three years. Finally I realized I had far too For seeds to grow we need soil, manure, water, and
many things going; there was no sense of any internal sunlight. But if the bag of seed remains in the potting
spaciousness throughout the day. shed, we are missing the essential piece. When we
lug the manure and the water around, we feel like we
I was desperately busy with the meditation. During
are doing something. “I’m really working hard at my
that time, my life was jammed full. I was always half
practice here!” Meanwhile there’s the teacher standing
fretful and fussy. I couldn’t even eat or walk across the
by the seed bag reminding us [gestures as if pointing at
courtyard without it being a thing. Finally I had to ask
a sack in the corner].
myself: “Why am I doing this? This life is supposed to be
lived for peace, for realization, for freedom, and my days Ajahn Sumedho talked repeatedly about being
are all clogged up.” enlightened rather than becoming enlightened. Be
awake now; be enlightened to the present moment. It is
I should have gotten the message long before. I used
not about doing something now to become enlightened
to sit flat on the floor, the use of a zafu being a sign of
in the future. That kind of thinking is bound up with self
weakness in my eyes. Well, one of the nuns was getting
and time and bears no fruit. Dzogchen teachings are
so fed up watching me fall asleep during every sitting
the same. It’s not a matter of finding rigpa as an object
that she came up to me and asked, “Could I offer you a
or doing something now to get rigpa in the future; it’s
cushion, Ajahn?”
about actually being rigpa now. As soon as we start to
do something with it or say, “Hey, look, I got it” or “How
“Thank you very much; I don’t need it.”
can I keep this?” the mind takes hold of that thought and
She replied, “I think you do.” leaves rigpa—unless the thought is witnessed as just
another transparent formation within the space of rigpa.
Eventually I went to Ajahn Sumedho and said, “I’ve
decided to give up all my ascetic practices. I’m just Ajahn Sumedho himself was not always so clear on
going to follow the ordinary routine and do everything this point. He would often tell the story about his own
absolutely normally.” It was the first time I ever saw obsessions with being “a meditator.” Ajahn Chah’s
him get excited. “At last!” was his response. I thought method of teaching emphasized formal meditation
he was going to say, “Oh well, if you must.” He was practice to quite a great extent. But he was also
waiting for me to realize that it wasn’t the amount of extremely keen on not making the formal meditation