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4 40 EASTERN HORIZON | TEACHINGS
E
CHINGS
AS
Motherhood: Shortly after
my daughter was born, I felt
overwhelmed by the constant
tending newborns demand.
Sustaining this level of attention
was difficult at first, but as the
weeks progressed, that early
anxious attention softened to
something more like an alert
mindfulness. I realized that
parenting itself had the potential
to be a continuation of spiritual
practice, in this way and in many
others.

Likewise, I found my earlier training
in mindfulness to be an invaluable
ally in developing as a parent. It is
Our relationships, expressive of our Although I was tempted to turn
painful to admit this but, especially
interconnection with each other to alcohol and other forms of
when my children were younger, I
and all things, are the primary arena self-medication, the training in
would frequently lose my temper
for putting teachings into practice. becoming aware of thoughts and
and yell at volumes I didn’t even
For this reason, a dhamma program underlying motivations made it
know I had in me. I could be
for children should emphasize clear that these pursuits were
quite harsh and demanding. I
friendship and community as ways to cope with and become
was ashamed to see this side of
integral to spiritual cultivation. numb to suffering. Meditation also
myself and worked hard to try to
gave me a structured method for
change my behaviors by applying
Young adult years: Despite the identifying and being present with
mindfulness. Nonetheless, despite
gift of this unusual childhood of overwhelming emotions and states
best efforts, I saw very little change.
meditation and training, my late of mind. Moreover, the Buddhist
When my daughter was about five
teen and early adult years were teachings on suffering were
or six, I started meditating daily
marked by significant suffering. enormously validating: suffering
for about twenty minutes. Through
Mental illness had been present in happens to all of us. The Buddhist
quiet, seated meditation I began to
my family throughout my childhood, path also gave me a way to think
have some deeper understanding
leading to instability, disruption, about suffering as a place for
of the psychological origins of
neglect, and violence. Although awakening, and I could find meaning
my parenting. These insights,
I found relief once I was on my and purpose in my experience.
in combination with kindness
own at eighteen, I realized that, Finally, I had a network of good
meditation, mostly for myself,
although I myself did not have spiritual friends from my teen
brought about enough healing that
mental illness, I had trauma and years, elders who acted as advisors
I began to change from the inside
deep emotional pain. Around then, and mentors when adult family
out, to become, more or less, a much
one of my brothers became suicidal, members could not. My childhood
better parent. For me, the path of
narrowly surviving what became six training and network of friends
parenting is also a path of healing
years of severe mental illness. I was were an invaluable bridge in the
my childhood.
frequently involved in his care. transition to adulthood.