Page 146 - It Ends with Us

I’m inst ant ly no t laughi ng any more. I’m on the floor, my ha nd

pres sed agains t the corner of my ey e.
In a matter of one sec ond , R yle’s arm came out of no where and
slammed agains t me, kno cking me backward. There was eno ugh force
behi nd it to kno ck me off balanc e. When I lost my footing , I hi t my
face on one of the cabinet door ha nd les as I came down.
Pain sho ots thro ugh the corne r of my ey e, right nea r my tem ple.

And then I feel the wei ght .
Hea vines s follows and it pres ses down on ev er y part of me. So
much gravity, pushi ng down on my em otions . Ever ythi ng sha tters .
My tea rs, my hea rt, my laught er, my soul. Sha ttered like broken
glass, raini ng down around me.
I wrap my arms over my hea d and try to wish away the last ten
sec ond s.

“Goddammit, Lily,” I hea r hi m say. “It’s no t funny. Thi s ha nd is my
fucking career.”
I don’t look up at hi m. His voice does n’t penet rate thro ugh my
body thi s time. It feel s like it’s stabbing me no w, the sha rpnes s of ea ch
of hi s words coming at me like swords. Then I feel hi m nex t to me, hi s
goddam n han d on my back.

Rubbing .
“Lily,” he says. “Oh, God. Li ly.” He tries to pull my arms from my
hea d, but I ref use to budge. I start sha king my hea d, want ing the last
fif teen sec ond s to go away. Fifteen seconds . That’s all it takes to
complet el y cha ng e ev er ythi ng about a pers on.
Fifteen sec ond s tha t we’l l nev er get back.
He pulls me agains t hi m and starts kissing the top of my he ad. “I’m

so sorr y. I just . . . I burned my ha nd . I pani cked . You were laughi ng
and . . . I’m so sorr y, it all happened so fast. I didn’t mea n to push
you, Lily, I’m sorr y.”
I don’t hea r R yle’s voice thi s time. All I hea r is my father’ s voice.
“I’m sor r y, Jenny. It was an ac cident. I’m so sor r y.”
“I’m sorr y, Lily. It was an accident . I’m so sorr y.”

I just want hi m away from me. I use ev er y ounc e of streng th I ha ve
in both my ha nd s and leg s and I force hi m the fuck away from me.
He falls backward, ont o hi s ha nd s. His ey es are full of genu ine
sorro w, but then they ’re full of somet hi ng el se.