Page 19 - It Ends with Us

ha d tha t most peo ple wouldn’t say out loud.”

He pulls hi s ha nd s up behi nd hi s hea d and looks me straight in the
ey e. “I want to fuck you.”
My mouth falls open. Then I clamp it shu t again.
I thi nk I might be speec hl es s.
He sho ots me a look of inno cenc e. “You asked for the most rec ent
tho ught , so I gave it to you. You’re bea utiful. I’m a guy. If you were

int o one- ni ght stand s, I would take you downs tairs to my bed room
and I would fuck you.”
I can’t even look at hi m. His statem ent makes me feel a multitude
of thi ng s all at onc e.
“Wel l, I’m no t int o one- ni ght stand s.”
“I fig ured as much, ” he says. “Your turn. ”
He’s so no nc ha lant ; he acts as if he didn’t just stun me int o silenc e.

“I need a minu te to reg roup after tha t one, ” I say with a laugh. I try
to think of somet hi ng with a little sho ck value, but I can’t get over the
fact that he just said tha t. Ou t loud. Maybe bec ause he’s a
neu rosurgeo n and I nev er pictured someo ne so ed ucated thro wing
around the word fuck so casually.
I gather mysel f . . . somew ha t . . . and then say, “Okay. Sinc e we’re

on the subjec t . . . the firs t guy I ev er ha d sex with was ho mel es s.”
He perk s up and faces me. “Oh, I’m gonna need more of thi s
story.”
I stret ch my arm out and res t my hea d on it. “I grew up in Maine.
We lived in a fairly dec ent ne ighb orho od, but the street behi nd our
ho use wasn’t in the bes t cond ition. Our backyard butted up to a
cond em ned ho use adjacent to two aband oned lots. I bec ame friend s

with a guy na med Atlas who stayed in the cond em ned ho use. No one
knew he was living there other tha n me. I used to take hi m food and
clothes and stuff. Unt il my father found out.”
“Wha t’d he do?”
My jaw tight en s. I don’t kno w why I brought thi s up when I still
force mysel f no t to thi nk about it on a daily basis. “He bea t hi m up.”

Tha t’s as na ked as I want to get about tha t subjec t. “Your turn. ”
He reg ards me silent ly for a moment , as if he kno ws there ’s more
to tha t story. But then he brea ks ey e cont act. “The tho ught of
marri age rep ulses me, ” he says. “I’m almost thi rty yea rs old and I ha ve