Page 25 - It Ends with Us

“How are you?” I ask.

She sighs dramatically. “Fine, ” she says. “Your aunt and unc le went
back to Neb raska thi s morni ng . It’ll be my firs t ni ght alone sinc e . . .”
“You’ll be fine, Mom,” I say, trying to sound confid ent .
She’s quiet for too long , and then she says, “Lily. I just want you to
kno w tha t you sho uldn’t be em barra ssed about wha t ha ppened
yes terd ay.”

I pause. I was n’t. No t even the slight est bit.
“Ever yone free zes up onc e in a whi le. I sho uldn’t ha ve put tha t
kind of pres sure on you, kno wing ho w ha rd the day was on you
alrea dy. I sho uld ha ve just ha d your unc le do it.”
I close my ey es . Here she goes ag ai n. Coveri ng up wha t she does n’t
want to see. Taking blame that isn’t ev en hers to take. Of course she
conv inc ed hers el f tha t I froze up yes terd ay, and tha t’s why I ref used to

spea k. Of course she di d. I ha ve ha lf a mind to tel l her it wasn’t a
mistake. I didn’t freez e up. I just ha d no thi ng grea t to say about the
unrema rkable man she cho se to be my father.
But part of me does feel guilty for wha t I did—s pec ific ally bec ause
it’s not somet hi ng I sho uld have done in the pres enc e of my mother
—s o I just accep t wha t she’s doing and go along with it.

“Tha nk s, Mom. Sorr y I cho ked .”
“It’s fine, Lily. I need to go, I ha ve to run to the ins uranc e offic e.
We ha ve a meet ing about your father’ s policies . Call me tomorro w,
okay?”
“I will,” I tel l her. “Love you, Mom.”
I end the call and toss the pho ne across the couch. I open the
sho eb ox on my lap and pull out the cont ent s. On the very top is a

small wooden, ho llow hea rt. I run my fing ers over it and rem em ber
the ni ght I was given thi s hea rt. As soon as the mem ory beg ins to sink
in, I set it aside. Nostalgia is a funny thi ng .
I move a few old let ters and new spaper clipping s aside. Benea th all
of it, I find wha t I was ho ping was ins ide thes e boxes . And also sort of
ho ping was n’t.

My Ellen Diar ies.
I run my ha nd s over them. There are three of them in thi s box, but
I’d say there are probably ei ght or ni ne total. I ha ven’t rea d any of
thes e sinc e the last time I wrote in them .