Page 26 - It Ends with Us

I refused to admit tha t I kep t a diary when I was young er bec ause

tha t was so cliché. Ins tea d, I conv inc ed mysel f tha t wha t I was doing
was cool, bec ause it wasn’t tec hni cally a diary. I addres sed ea ch of my
ent ries to Ellen DeG eneres , bec ause I beg an watchi ng her sho w the
firs t day it aired in 2003 when I was just a little girl. I watched it ev er y
day after scho ol and was conv inc ed Ellen would love me if she got to
kno w me. I wrote let ters to her reg ularly unt il I turned sixteen, but I

wrote them like one would write ent ries in a diary. Of course I knew
the last thi ng Ellen DeG eneres probably want ed was a rand om girl’s
journa l ent ries . Luckily, I nev er actually sent any in. But I still liked
addres sing all the ent ries to her, so I cont inu ed to do tha t unt il I
stopped writing in them altoget her.
I open ano ther sho eb ox and find more of them . I sort thro ugh
them unt il I grab the one from when I was fif teen yea rs old. I flip it

open, sea rchi ng for the day I met Atlas. There wasn’t much tha t
ha ppened in my life worth writing about bef ore he ent ered it, but
someho w I fil led six journa ls full bef ore he ev er came int o the
picture.
I swore I’d ne ver rea d thes e again, but with the passing of my
father, I’ve been thi nk ing about my chi ldho od a lot. Maybe if I rea d

thro ugh thes e journa ls I’ll someho w find a little streng th for
forgivenes s. Altho ugh I fea r I’m runni ng the risk of building up ev en
more res ent ment .
I lie back on the couch and I beg in rea ding .

Dear Ellen,

Be fore I tell you what hap pened today, I hav e a real ly good ide a for a new
segment on your sho w. It’s cal led, “Ellen at ho me. ”
I thi nk lots of people would like to see you outside of work. I al way s wonde r
what you’re like at your ho me whe n it’s just you an d Por tia an d the cam eras
aren’t around. May be the produ cers can give he r a cam era an d sometimes she
can just sneak up on you an d film you do ing normal thi ngs, like wat chi ng TV

or cooking or garde ning. She could film you for a few seconds witho ut you
knowing an d the n she could scream , “Ellen at ho me! ” an d scare you. It’s
only fai r, since you love pran ks.
Ok ay, now that I told you that (I keep mean ing to an d hav e been forgetting)
I’ll tell you ab out my day yesterday. It was interesting. Probab ly my most