Page 41 - You Only Live Once [BooksLD]

Only three months into the job, I was the only Indian sailing with a whole
Vietnamese crew to Africa. We had not eaten fresh food in days, and one
stormy night a fish made its way onto the deck. Lost she must have been,

much like I was in those days.
‘Pick it up and butcher it.’ Those are the only words in English that I ever
heard my captain utter. The rest of the crew started to cheer, as if I was a
matador preparing to face the bull. The only difference was that it was a
baby shark and I had no red cloth.

My body started to shake and shiver, much like my values, as they force-
handed a knife to me. I stared into the shark’s eyes. Stone cold they were. It
seemed as if it longed to meet a loved one. I could see my own reflection in

those eyes. I thrust the knife in its belly, it was dead in an instant, yet I
passed out. Two hours later, I woke up in my compartment. The fish had
been prepared and served to everyone by then. That day, I knew I would
never be the same again. Something in me had changed. Shifted.
I have made all the wealth I wanted. I just want to live my life now. My

mother was my only responsibility until the day, during an occasional stop
we made at Cape Town, South Africa, I heard that she had passed away
while I was still sailing across the Atlantic. My career ensured that I sent
money back home to my mother regularly, but it never filled my soul. Now
that she is no more and since I never got married, I just have to take care of
myself.

I interrupt their conversation and say, ‘The sea is my passion. You could
do any activity involving water if you visit my shack. When I’m not surfing
on the waves, I’m most certainly high on substances my Russian tourists get
for me.’

They laugh in unison before I realize that they must have accidentally got
it on tape. ‘Can we take this off the record?’ I laugh.

‘Don’t worry!’ he winks.
If you were to ask me what I liked the best? Marijuana, I would say. One
of my favourite varieties smells like flowery incense sticks. All through my
life, I tried to run away from this place, Goa. Now, I try to escape the

physical boundaries of my very own body. Complicated? You will know
more about me as I reveal my story.
Let me make it clear. I am not an addict, I just find bliss in letting myself

loose, occasionally.