Page 125 - moondani kyema
P. 125
ndani kyema, My Story - Ray Moore 125
I think children have an instinct about integrity. They know when a person’s actions
don’t line up with their words. The dictionary describes congruent as “coinciding at all
points when superimposed: e.g. congruent triangles.”
When I am doing cabinet making, (makes me feel good to call it that even though the
result is very amateurish!) I sometimes have a template to act as a guide. This helps
me get an accurate outcome by superimposing To thine own self be true, and it
must follow, as the night the day,
my work over the top of the template. If my work is
thou canst not then be false to
exactly the same as the template, then it is any man.
congruent. This principle is embodied in the many ~William Shakespeare, Hamlet
quotations summed up in the saying: “Actions
speak louder than words” What you do must line
up with what you say.. Children quickly sense any
incongruousness between what you say and what
you do. We have thirteen grandchildren, so we know!
For some reason this struggle to be ‘fair dinkum’, genuine or authentic has always
been an underlying tension in my life. Trying to live my life with integrity, I have
unfortunately failed more than I have succeeded. But that does not mean that I have
not tried. Some of my worst moments of feeling failure have come when no one else
is affected, but I know that my actions have not fitted the template I was holding up
for my own guidance.
Another problem that arises when a person is sensitive to the congruency and
integrity of their lives, is that they tend to live their lives under a cloud of guilt. This
guilt comes from not living up to your own spoken or felt principles
Think for a moment what this does to you. When you feel guilty, you lose a whole lot
of confidence in yourself, because the message that you are hearing in your ‘self talk’
is “You are not good enough!”
This can lead to isolation and depression.
This can happen when a parent constantly gives their child the message that they
are not good enough. I once had a client in for counselling who seemed to have
everything going for her. She was attractive and exceptionally intelligent, always
coming near the top of her class. But even when she scored the best marks in the
classs, her father always used to say to her, “Come on, you can do better than that!”
She was never good enough.
Another side effect of guilt is the desire to hide your actions from the person or even
the society whose standards you feel you have let down.
When I was in the Baptist ministry it was generally understood at that time that using
alcohol and tobacco was wrong. I started drinking alcohol while I was still in the
church, but always on my own. I didn’t believe that Bev thought it was OK, nor did her
parents and certainly that was the message I received from the church. So I only had
a can of beer when I was travelling somewhere by myself. This of course then added
another level of guilt.
I think children have an instinct about integrity. They know when a person’s actions
don’t line up with their words. The dictionary describes congruent as “coinciding at all
points when superimposed: e.g. congruent triangles.”
When I am doing cabinet making, (makes me feel good to call it that even though the
result is very amateurish!) I sometimes have a template to act as a guide. This helps
me get an accurate outcome by superimposing To thine own self be true, and it
must follow, as the night the day,
my work over the top of the template. If my work is
thou canst not then be false to
exactly the same as the template, then it is any man.
congruent. This principle is embodied in the many ~William Shakespeare, Hamlet
quotations summed up in the saying: “Actions
speak louder than words” What you do must line
up with what you say.. Children quickly sense any
incongruousness between what you say and what
you do. We have thirteen grandchildren, so we know!
For some reason this struggle to be ‘fair dinkum’, genuine or authentic has always
been an underlying tension in my life. Trying to live my life with integrity, I have
unfortunately failed more than I have succeeded. But that does not mean that I have
not tried. Some of my worst moments of feeling failure have come when no one else
is affected, but I know that my actions have not fitted the template I was holding up
for my own guidance.
Another problem that arises when a person is sensitive to the congruency and
integrity of their lives, is that they tend to live their lives under a cloud of guilt. This
guilt comes from not living up to your own spoken or felt principles
Think for a moment what this does to you. When you feel guilty, you lose a whole lot
of confidence in yourself, because the message that you are hearing in your ‘self talk’
is “You are not good enough!”
This can lead to isolation and depression.
This can happen when a parent constantly gives their child the message that they
are not good enough. I once had a client in for counselling who seemed to have
everything going for her. She was attractive and exceptionally intelligent, always
coming near the top of her class. But even when she scored the best marks in the
classs, her father always used to say to her, “Come on, you can do better than that!”
She was never good enough.
Another side effect of guilt is the desire to hide your actions from the person or even
the society whose standards you feel you have let down.
When I was in the Baptist ministry it was generally understood at that time that using
alcohol and tobacco was wrong. I started drinking alcohol while I was still in the
church, but always on my own. I didn’t believe that Bev thought it was OK, nor did her
parents and certainly that was the message I received from the church. So I only had
a can of beer when I was travelling somewhere by myself. This of course then added
another level of guilt.
