Page 145 - moondani kyema
P. 145
ndani kyema, My Story - Ray Moore 145
the case. She had in fact had oral sex with him and was worried that she may have
swallowed some sperm!
This was also the advice that I used to give to married couples (and try and follow
myself!) when they are arguing. Don’t use terms such as “You always . . .” or “You
never . . .” Very rarely does a person “always” or “never” do something. It is more
likely that they do it “a lot” or “every time there is a full moon” or something not quite
so all embracing. The response to “You always . . “ is usually “I never . . .” whereas
the response to “You sometimes . . .” or “You did that the last time we . . “ is more
likely to be less defensive. At least it doesn’t back a person into a corner.
Say “I don’t know”, “I’m sorry” , "I was (am) wrong" To be able to say “I don’t
know” is a very freeing thing to do. It is difficult for someone who has a shaky self-
confidence to ‘lose face’ and look like they are ‘ignorant’ about something. It is good
to realize that you don’t have to be ‘God’. You can leave that up to Him. It is OK to
not know and it is amazing how much you learn when you pleas ignorance.
As for the other two phrases, they are particularly difficult to say when you are angry
or upset about something. It is also hard to be the first person to acknowledge that
you are sorry or wrong. But it is worth it in the end. It takes a lot of courage and self
esteem to be able to use these terms sincerely. They are for the mature person only -
or at least the person that is getting there.
Learn what forgiveness is and how to practice it. Mahatma Gandhi once said,
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
The dictionary says that forgiveness is to cease to blame or hold resentment . . to
grant pardon for a mistake, wrongdoing, etc. . . to free someone from penalty . . to
free someone from the obligation of something they owe you.
Forgiveness is not necessarily forgetting, but it is acting as if you have forgotten. It
also means changing your perception of the original event or episode so that there is
nothing left to forgive. This can be extremely hard to do, but the more you practice,
the easier it becomes, and in the end you may actually forget what it was all about.
Forgiveness is actually three dimensional. So far I have described forgiving others,
but we must also forgive ourselves. Some of us get very sore from kicking ourselves
all our lives about some shortcoming. The third dimension is for those who believe in
God. It is really important that forgiveness is sought in this relationship as well.
Water the grass. This is important if you want to keep the lawn of any relationship
green. If you don’t do this, the grass will start looking greener on the other side of the
fence.
Of course, in relationships that are not so important, you might choose to let the
grass dry out, because it doesn’t matter to you.
the case. She had in fact had oral sex with him and was worried that she may have
swallowed some sperm!
This was also the advice that I used to give to married couples (and try and follow
myself!) when they are arguing. Don’t use terms such as “You always . . .” or “You
never . . .” Very rarely does a person “always” or “never” do something. It is more
likely that they do it “a lot” or “every time there is a full moon” or something not quite
so all embracing. The response to “You always . . “ is usually “I never . . .” whereas
the response to “You sometimes . . .” or “You did that the last time we . . “ is more
likely to be less defensive. At least it doesn’t back a person into a corner.
Say “I don’t know”, “I’m sorry” , "I was (am) wrong" To be able to say “I don’t
know” is a very freeing thing to do. It is difficult for someone who has a shaky self-
confidence to ‘lose face’ and look like they are ‘ignorant’ about something. It is good
to realize that you don’t have to be ‘God’. You can leave that up to Him. It is OK to
not know and it is amazing how much you learn when you pleas ignorance.
As for the other two phrases, they are particularly difficult to say when you are angry
or upset about something. It is also hard to be the first person to acknowledge that
you are sorry or wrong. But it is worth it in the end. It takes a lot of courage and self
esteem to be able to use these terms sincerely. They are for the mature person only -
or at least the person that is getting there.
Learn what forgiveness is and how to practice it. Mahatma Gandhi once said,
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
The dictionary says that forgiveness is to cease to blame or hold resentment . . to
grant pardon for a mistake, wrongdoing, etc. . . to free someone from penalty . . to
free someone from the obligation of something they owe you.
Forgiveness is not necessarily forgetting, but it is acting as if you have forgotten. It
also means changing your perception of the original event or episode so that there is
nothing left to forgive. This can be extremely hard to do, but the more you practice,
the easier it becomes, and in the end you may actually forget what it was all about.
Forgiveness is actually three dimensional. So far I have described forgiving others,
but we must also forgive ourselves. Some of us get very sore from kicking ourselves
all our lives about some shortcoming. The third dimension is for those who believe in
God. It is really important that forgiveness is sought in this relationship as well.
Water the grass. This is important if you want to keep the lawn of any relationship
green. If you don’t do this, the grass will start looking greener on the other side of the
fence.
Of course, in relationships that are not so important, you might choose to let the
grass dry out, because it doesn’t matter to you.
