Page 146 - moondani kyema
P. 146
ndani kyema, My Story - Ray Moore 146
Withhold judgment. I spent a lot of time trying to be non judgmental, but with
limited success. However I was much more successful at withholding my judgment
and allowing myself to open my mind up to aspects of life and people that have, in
many cases, eventually enriched me.
You would have to be a special type of person to be completely non-judgmental.
Remember the Mirror Principle. This principle relates to criticism. Have a careful
look at what or who you are criticizing and invariably you will find that you are seeing
something in yourself that you don’t like.
Try this. Write down 5 words or phrases of criticism that come to mind when you think
of this person. Take a look of the list of words carefully and reflect on it. OK, here's
the crunch, if you're really honest with yourself you will see that you too possess
those same qualities that you find distasteful in that person. They may be repressed
or you may be denying them, but they are there. Often you don't even realize it
yourself. It might take someone else it to tell you; try asking someone who will be
honest with you. The simple fact is, you would not be so upset by the person if you
didn't have some of them in you.
Be generous with Encouragement. Encouragement is both easy and hard, but
always worth doing. It is easy because it often simply needs a smile or a wave to
indicate your support or encouragement of someone. But it can be hard because it
must be sincere. It is too easy to sound patronizing and colonial.
The word “sincere” has an interesting etymology: ”In the time of the ancient Romans,
devious dealers in marble and pottery would conceal defects in their products by
filling the cracks and holes with wax. Honest merchants, who did not doctor their
products, proudly displayed their wares as being ‘without wax’; that is, they were sine
cera.”
Be generous with your appreciation. Try waving ‘thank you’ to a driver who gives
way to you. Say thank you to the person who cooks your meals every day for a
particular meal. Say something appreciative to the check-out chick at the
supermarket. Notice, and comment favourably on changes in your loved ones
clothes, hair style etc.
You can only teach or model what you have actually learnt. You can’t guide a
person up mountain tracks that you have not yet reached. This has always been a
challenge to me to keep growing and learning.
Counseling involves pointing people along a better track than they have been on (by
the way, you don’t push them. Any change must be their decision). How can you do
this if you are nowhere near that track in your own experience?
Nowadays, in retirement, I am not trying to lead others up the track, but I still enjoy
the climb.
Withhold judgment. I spent a lot of time trying to be non judgmental, but with
limited success. However I was much more successful at withholding my judgment
and allowing myself to open my mind up to aspects of life and people that have, in
many cases, eventually enriched me.
You would have to be a special type of person to be completely non-judgmental.
Remember the Mirror Principle. This principle relates to criticism. Have a careful
look at what or who you are criticizing and invariably you will find that you are seeing
something in yourself that you don’t like.
Try this. Write down 5 words or phrases of criticism that come to mind when you think
of this person. Take a look of the list of words carefully and reflect on it. OK, here's
the crunch, if you're really honest with yourself you will see that you too possess
those same qualities that you find distasteful in that person. They may be repressed
or you may be denying them, but they are there. Often you don't even realize it
yourself. It might take someone else it to tell you; try asking someone who will be
honest with you. The simple fact is, you would not be so upset by the person if you
didn't have some of them in you.
Be generous with Encouragement. Encouragement is both easy and hard, but
always worth doing. It is easy because it often simply needs a smile or a wave to
indicate your support or encouragement of someone. But it can be hard because it
must be sincere. It is too easy to sound patronizing and colonial.
The word “sincere” has an interesting etymology: ”In the time of the ancient Romans,
devious dealers in marble and pottery would conceal defects in their products by
filling the cracks and holes with wax. Honest merchants, who did not doctor their
products, proudly displayed their wares as being ‘without wax’; that is, they were sine
cera.”
Be generous with your appreciation. Try waving ‘thank you’ to a driver who gives
way to you. Say thank you to the person who cooks your meals every day for a
particular meal. Say something appreciative to the check-out chick at the
supermarket. Notice, and comment favourably on changes in your loved ones
clothes, hair style etc.
You can only teach or model what you have actually learnt. You can’t guide a
person up mountain tracks that you have not yet reached. This has always been a
challenge to me to keep growing and learning.
Counseling involves pointing people along a better track than they have been on (by
the way, you don’t push them. Any change must be their decision). How can you do
this if you are nowhere near that track in your own experience?
Nowadays, in retirement, I am not trying to lead others up the track, but I still enjoy
the climb.
