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ndani kyema, My Story - Ray Moore 81
message that family should come before career, but within the missionary
community the opposite is not only tolerated, is sanctioned. It is justified
because God called them to the career they are involved in. One missionary
couple had sent five kids to a boarding school. They said that they would do it
all over again, regardless of what their kids experiences were, because it was
the will of God, and God was responsible for all their decisions.
And there is no doubt that separation anxiety is a common if not universal
experience amongst MKs sent off to boarding school. John and Diane Larson
describe the problem like this:
"For those who were sent away to a boarding school or a
children's home, grief may be a lasting legacy. Rare is the adult
MK who does not carry within himself or herself a significant
measure of grief. . . . Some missionary sending organizations
have taken notice of this problem and now provide professional
assistance to parents and children facing separation. However,
most adult MKs were left as children to deal with grief and loss
alone -- as were their families. A biblically buttressed
understanding that separation was necessary to advance the
Lord's work was once thought sufficient to fortify children and
parents alike. In most instances, pain was handled by stoic
withholding to protect each other from further suffering."1
Bowlby’s attachment theory supports these findings. John Bowlby (26 Feb 1907 – 2
Sept 1990) was a British psychologist, psychiatrist, and psychoanalyst, notable for
his interest in child development and for his pioneering work in attachment theory.
Bowlby's Theory of Attachment, describes attachment as
“behaviours which are done in an attempt to maintain proximity,
displayed in the child's seemingly natural inclination to seek the parent
when distressed. The goal is not the object, the goal is a state.
Attachment behaviour is adaptive and is not a drive, and not a sign of
immaturity”.
In a book which Amy wrote about their placement in Malaya in the early 1950s by the
China Inland Mission, which at that time was in the process of changing its name to
Overseas Missionary Fellowship2, she expressed in some detail the emotional stress
it was for her to go to Malaya and leave her, mostly teenage, family behind in
Australia. The following extract from the book is of interest because it gives Amy's
explanation of this situation:
“Mummy, why does Daddy have to go?” The plaintive little voice
brought me back with a start. My thoughts had been centred on the
solitary figure standing on the deck of the great ocean liner which was
now almost out of sight. The ship passed under the Sydney Harbour
Bridge and turned towards the Heads on the first stage of the long
journey to Singapore. Sensing Percy’s loneliness, and trying to fight
down my own dread of the year of separation that lay ahead of us, (this
1 “Third culture kids: expatriate children” by John and Diane Larsen
2 “Malayan Story” by Amy Moore, Published by Kyema Publishing 2011
message that family should come before career, but within the missionary
community the opposite is not only tolerated, is sanctioned. It is justified
because God called them to the career they are involved in. One missionary
couple had sent five kids to a boarding school. They said that they would do it
all over again, regardless of what their kids experiences were, because it was
the will of God, and God was responsible for all their decisions.
And there is no doubt that separation anxiety is a common if not universal
experience amongst MKs sent off to boarding school. John and Diane Larson
describe the problem like this:
"For those who were sent away to a boarding school or a
children's home, grief may be a lasting legacy. Rare is the adult
MK who does not carry within himself or herself a significant
measure of grief. . . . Some missionary sending organizations
have taken notice of this problem and now provide professional
assistance to parents and children facing separation. However,
most adult MKs were left as children to deal with grief and loss
alone -- as were their families. A biblically buttressed
understanding that separation was necessary to advance the
Lord's work was once thought sufficient to fortify children and
parents alike. In most instances, pain was handled by stoic
withholding to protect each other from further suffering."1
Bowlby’s attachment theory supports these findings. John Bowlby (26 Feb 1907 – 2
Sept 1990) was a British psychologist, psychiatrist, and psychoanalyst, notable for
his interest in child development and for his pioneering work in attachment theory.
Bowlby's Theory of Attachment, describes attachment as
“behaviours which are done in an attempt to maintain proximity,
displayed in the child's seemingly natural inclination to seek the parent
when distressed. The goal is not the object, the goal is a state.
Attachment behaviour is adaptive and is not a drive, and not a sign of
immaturity”.
In a book which Amy wrote about their placement in Malaya in the early 1950s by the
China Inland Mission, which at that time was in the process of changing its name to
Overseas Missionary Fellowship2, she expressed in some detail the emotional stress
it was for her to go to Malaya and leave her, mostly teenage, family behind in
Australia. The following extract from the book is of interest because it gives Amy's
explanation of this situation:
“Mummy, why does Daddy have to go?” The plaintive little voice
brought me back with a start. My thoughts had been centred on the
solitary figure standing on the deck of the great ocean liner which was
now almost out of sight. The ship passed under the Sydney Harbour
Bridge and turned towards the Heads on the first stage of the long
journey to Singapore. Sensing Percy’s loneliness, and trying to fight
down my own dread of the year of separation that lay ahead of us, (this
1 “Third culture kids: expatriate children” by John and Diane Larsen
2 “Malayan Story” by Amy Moore, Published by Kyema Publishing 2011
