Page 10 - Stop Self Defeating Behaviors

1. Identifying the Self-Defeating Behavior

You need to identify within yourself what your self-defeating behavior is.

Sometimes it can be obvious and many people have called you out on that

particular issue. Other times it is insidious and takes a long introspection for

you to understand what the problem is.

So, you might ask yourself what are examples of self-defeating behaviors.

Well, they are varied and can range greatly. Common examples are the

generalization of the negative; where negative past experiences are

generalized to the point that you feel that any new experience will also be

negative.

For example, when you were young your parents never let you decide.

When you bought clothes they picked them, when you went to school they

picked your subjects, and when you started dating they chose your

partners. You realized that you had no freedom of choice anymore. When

you got older the problem continued every failure you had was

automatically blamed on the parents. Since you generalized that every

situation you encountered was not your choice it would be hard for you to

take ownership. That means that you always blame someone else for your

own shortcomings. This is an example of a self-defeating behavior because

in the end you cannot always blame others. When others do not respond
well to this then that is when the feelings of isolation begin.

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