Page 397 - Deception at work all chapters EBook

398 An HR Guide to Workplace Fraud and Criminal Behaviour

takes, be prepared to admit them and apologize if necessary. It is much better to make an
open and contrite admission than to have the truth painfully dragged out of you in cross-
examination.

Plan ahead

CHECK OUT THE COURT

Familiarize yourself with the court, how to get there and how long the journey takes even
when you have to stop every ten minutes for anxious lavatorial breaks. If you have not given
evidence before, sit in on another trial2 for a couple of hours before your big day. Watch and
get the hang of things. It is pretty awesome; lawyers are clever and very smart.

On the day

APPEARANCE

On the day you are required to give evidence, arrive at court really early and make sure you
dress sensibly. Your wife may tell you that you look wonderful in your yellow waistcoat, pink
suspenders, Gucci sunglasses and Hush Puppies, but it is doubtful that the court will appreci-
ate their sartorial elegance. Wear loose clothing and comfortable shoes, just in case you have to
make a run for it. Also wear clothing that – unlike Tony Blair’s – does not show how profusely
you are sweating. Like fierce hunting dogs, lawyers smell fear and, if they see signs of your
terror, it will just make matters worse.

If you wear dentures, a glass eye or a hairpiece, make sure they are firmly affixed. It will not
be good for your credibility if in the heat of the moment an appendage becomes detached and
the judge and jury (but, obviously, not the barristers) have to chase around trying to find it.

Beware of your emblems

If you are a member of the Surbiton Train Spotters’ Club, however proud you might be of
this rare distinction, don’t wear the lapel badge, tie or cap. This is not impressive. All you will
achieve is to mark yourself out as a plonker and thus damage your credibility before you even
open your mouth. If you must have facial hair, make sure you do not look like a member of the
Taliban and your court appearance may be the excuse you need to shave off your pencil-thin
moustache. You always knew it made you look like a ballroom dancing teacher.

WAITING TO BE CALLED

You can guarantee you will be kept waiting outside the court, possibly for hours if not days.
Don’t worry about this, it is all part of the softening up process. Do not read sensitive papers in
public areas and be careful with your mobile telephone and laptop computer. Do not engage
strangers in idle conversation because the delightful blonde sat next to you in the waiting room,
who tells you she finds fat, old, grey-haired men an aphrodisiac, could be a plant by the oppos-

2 You will not be allowed to sit in on the trial in which you are a witness until after you have given evidence