Page 30 - Harlem Pesach Companion 2021

entire term paper. In retrospect I also realize how privileged I was to have the problem
of sitting in my secure, stable home while looking forward to a holiday gathering. Still,
the events of that evening gave birth to my Emunah and sealed within me a reliance on
Ha Kodosh Baruch Hu (HKBH), the Holy One Blessed be He, that supports me to this
day.

As I struggled through the night to complete my tasks, the thoughts of the joy that I
would experience at the coming seder carried me through. Anticipation of the next
night’s seder was the anchor I used to pull myself through to completion of my task. My
mother had prepared the house for Pesach and gone off to bed while I sat at the table
alone, a slave to my books! I had always regarded Passover as my favorite holiday
because of the long build up to seder night and the culminating festive gatherings of
friends and family. That year, I used the anticipation of seder night joy as a counterpoint
to my (then) current angst and misery. I knew that so much rested on my ability to
complete this assignment and on my capacity to do so in an exemplary way. I always had
to excel, to represent well for myself, my family and, to a lesser extent, for my Jewish
people. I wasn’t the only Jew in my class but I was a Jew and Black! I feared failure. I
feared that failure would derail my academic career. Thoughts of the seder kept me on
track as I battled my fears. I pulled through the night knowing and, more importantly,
feeling that HKBH would help me, propel me through the night and save me.

Indeed, “hotzeiti”. He took me out from my night of despair. Hitzalti. He saved me
from lasting despair. Ga’alti. He redeemed me, putting me back among the body of
confident students. Lokachti. He took me out to bring me in, closer in, to my faith in
Him. I completed the work as the sun rose.

I floated euphorically through the day, knowing that I had done good work. I went with
profound relief to the seder that night. I savored the Haggadah reading, the seder meal
and the gathering of my loved ones and felt as though I sat covered and surrounded by
HKBH. My ancestors had come out of Mitzraim (Egypt), but Mitzraim - constriction,
fear and doubt - had come out of me during the previous night.
I tell a school girl’s tale but it is a story of the birth of my active, intentional faith and
reliance upon HaShem (G-d). That night, decades ago, I came out of Egypt.

Today I encourage guests at my seders to share, if they so choose, an experience
that they feel brought them out of their states of constriction. During this time of global
pandemic, many of us may have something to share at the seder table. We understand the
importance of history. We value ritual as it is a means of demonstrating what is
- 27 -