Page 38 - CASTRO_BRYAN_PORTFOLIO_WRITING_II
P. 38
Support each key idea with relevant facts and evidence. Avoid repeating
facts/evidence in different paragraphs, as it will make your essay look as though it
was not carefully planned.
Use the acronym PEEL to ensure your body paragraphs have everything they need.
Point: make your point (topic sentence directly related to key idea in thesis)
Evidence: support your point with evidence and examples
Explain: explain how the evidence supports your point
Link: link this point to the next point (for the last body paragraph, conclude
the paragraph)
Introductory Paragraph
Hook: Downing a Monster or Red Bull energy drink brings a welcomed buzz to many teens,
but a harmful long-term consequences of these beverages are symply too numerous and
frightening to ignore
Discussion of topic/Connection to text: Due to the health risks that accompany these drinks,
many communities, from Los Angeles to Chicago, have considered laws banning the sale of
energy drinks to people under age 18.
Thesis Statement: Such laws are wise and should be approved throughout the nation because
the products bring far more harm than good to teen consumers.
Body Paragraph 1
Point (topic sentence): With splashy advertising and sponsorship of hip music festivals and
extreme sports, energy drinks are seen by many teens as edgy and cool, but the truth is that is
that these can of chemical are slowly poisoning our youth.
Evidence: A recent report by the World Health Organization says the products are potentially
“a significant public health” especially for youth (Breda).
Explanation: Teens generally weigh less than adults of similar height and their tolerance
Link (transition): In fact, teens are so susceptible to the negative effects of large doses of
caffeine, including high blood pressure and heart palpitations, than a handful of deaths have
been connected to these products.
Evidence: Take the case of 14-year-old Anais Fournier, who died from a heart attack in
December 2011 after consuming two 24-ounce cans of Monster Energy (Alfonsi).
Explanation: Ongoing lawsuits have been filed against these beverage companies, but any
judgement won’t bring back these young lives.
Link: The best move is to legislate changes before more young people’s lives are taken.
Body Paragraph 2
32