Page 19 - WMPF Federation Aug-Sept 2020_Neat

t was pretty much a normal shift. The then worked in Operations for three years. couldn’t take my son swimming.
gang trouble was once again flaring On promotion to sergeant, he moved to J1 “The accountability element of policing
I up. Once again the sergeant on duty – now DY – and carried out various roles in also took its toll. If I went out with friends,
couldn’t find the resources to respond. response, neighbourhoods and I would be worried that something would
But this time was different. The partnerships and also in the drugs team. happen that would lead to the police being
sergeant, who had taken two short spells But he admits that seven or eight years call and I would somehow face a conduct
of sick leave in recent months due to the ago, he knew he didn’t feel right. inquiry. I could never relax.”
pressures of his role, just decided he “I wasn’t sleeping, I was waking up in During the seven to eight-year period
couldn’t do the job anymore. the night, I couldn’t breathe, I would wake while he was struggling, he did take some
For seven or eight years, he had tried to gasping for air. I was having nightmares, I time off sick. The first time, he spoke to
keep a lid on his emotions, stifle the was also constantly wired looking out of occupational health and completed a
crippling anxiety he felt; anxiety that, at the window looking for potential threats. I phased return to work, though he admits
times, led him to pull over his car on the was scared. My Dad, who has since died, now that he wasn’t really ready to get back
drive into work just to try to pull himself had dementia and that was on my mind to policing.
together. but I was also worried about my wife and Within 12 months, he was off sick
But this day was different. He couldn’t our three children,” he says. again.
go on. “It was really tough. There is still a But when he hit the same issues on
“I knew he just had to get out of the stigma about mental ill-health in the returning to work once more and with the
building,” he explained, “I was trying to do police service. It is getting better but it is gang incident proving a critical turning
my best but this was the end of it. From still there. With a physical illness, people point, he contacted Cliff Tomkinson, West
this point, I knew I had to get out of can generally see what is wrong but that is Midlands Police Federation’s personnel and
policing.” not the case with mental illness and equality lead, who he had been promoted
That day was to lead to a 16-month someone taking time off with a physical with and knew well.
process, a diagnosis of post-traumatic ailment can seem justifiable. “It’s only really because of the help Cliff
stress disorder (PTSD) culminating in him “But it’s different with mental health gave me – and he was there every step of
taking ill-health retirement at the end of and yet the pain of mental illness can be so the way – to go through the ill-health
June this year. much worse. The pain and suffering of retirement process that I am talking out
It was not quite the way he expected or mental ill-health is the worst I have ever about my experiences now,” he says.
wanted his career to end but, all the same, suffered, worse than any physical illness I “I just hope this helps other people
he is quite relieved since he appreciates it have experienced.” who go through similar things.”
could have been so much worse. Initially, he tried both online and face Up until Cliff’s involvement, he felt
And, he wants to urge any officer to face counselling to help him cope. people were not really listening to what he
feeling that their mental health is suffering Medication gave him horrendous side was telling them and that few managers
due to work to seek help and speak up. effects, including causing suicidal had enough of an understanding of mental
“The most important thing is to be thoughts. ill-health to be able to recognise the signs
honest with yourself,” he says, “You know if The incident where he couldn’t get the that he was so unwell. He also admits he
you are not feeling yourself. You know if officers he needed to deal with the gangs perhaps wasn’t as open and honest as he
you are not sleeping properly. You know if just took him to breaking point but he needed to be due to the stigma of mental
you are short-tempered, angry or anxious. knows now that was just the last in a health.
It does you no good at all to try to hide all series of events that had together served With Cliff’s help and support, he was
these things. You need to seek help and the to push him over the edge. referred to counselling and was eventually
sooner you do that the better for you and Like so many officers, he had dealt with diagnosed with PTSD when in the past he
for your family. many harrowing and traumatic incidents was thought to have an anxiety disorder or
“Also be honest with the job and with during his career with those involving the OCD.
the Force occupational health team.” tragic deaths of children weighing heavy “With PTSD, it can mimic so many other
He had wanted to join the police or the on his mind. health conditions, you get so many
armed services from when he was at school “I can’t pinpoint any one incident,” he symptoms that can be seen as being down
and after five years in the RAF joined West says, “But they clearly had a cumulative to something else,” he explains.
Midlands Police in 1997 when he was 21. effect and some had an impact on my Now, away from the Force and policing,
After a spell in H Division, he spent a home life. I attended an incident in which a he is feeling better. He doesn’t see his
few years in response policing roles and young boy drowned and after that just retirement as the solution to his problems
– just part of the journey he is on.
“ The pain and suffering of mental ill- including anxiety, fear, flashbacks, panic
He still has symptoms of PTSD
attacks and bursts of anger.
health is the worst I have ever

“Simple things can turn my day one
way or another,” he says, “I am a lot better
now I am not exposed to the daily pace of
suffered, worse than any physical policing. But I have a long way to go.”
Part of a recovery group, he is following
a life-coaching programme and feeling
illness I have experienced. “ more positive about the future even taking
up a new job mowing lawns.

www.polfed.org/westmids federation August/September 2020 19