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Deeply distrustful of anything with irnn-c/ad hooves atone end and sharp teem at the other
Bestial

Habits

sually His Excellency is
U spared the ennui of parti-
cipating in my equine pursuits.

Equine pursuits, I have to admit, all
too frequently take place in either
appallingly dusty or disgustingly
muddy surroundings and as such
are not conducive to maintaining the
impeccable shine on his hand-made beer provided, but bring your own away the hours cleaning tack and
toecaps. Also he is deeply distrustful carrots. Great fun and no Smythson polishing stirrups. A simply delightful
of anything with iron-clad hooves at decide-edged polite thank-you notes time was had down my end. The wine
one end and sharp teeth at the other, required the following day. flowed freely and the conversation
which is incomprehensible to the rest was self-sustaining. Up at the other
of us horse lovers and can only be However, a lifetime habit of provi- end they too were having great fun
the result of some childhood trauma. ding food and drink to the overfed and tracing each other's ancestors back
Though now that I think about it, he very very occasionally not particularly to Emperors and Princes. Blood lines
is somewhat wary of most four-legged thirsty throughout a variety of foreign were the order of the day.
animals, dogs included, and prefers to postings has taught me that hospitality,
encounter them when they are behind once accepted, should be returned: But then things began to go ever
bars or at the very least on the other preferably with knobs on. so slightly pear-shaped. Even from
side of a strong fence. where I was sitting I could see his eyes
So I organized a little dinner party beginning to glaze over. The conversa-
Four legs and a tail invariably, in his -- my guest list, my choice of menu, tion had turned to animals.
opinion, emit disagreeable odours my placement. The latter was of some
from both ends and worse, so far as importance. Horsey people are noto- The trouble with blue blood is that it
he is concerned, Shed Hair. All over riously diverse and come from many so often goes together with dogs. If
his impeccable hand-made suits. Sar- walks of life. This does not particu- you have inherited a stately pile, it is
torial elegance is his "forte", you un- larly bother those of us who are up sort of de rigeur to have something
derstand. We do not, obviously, see there in the saddle as we are usually winged or furry to shoot at or snap
eye to eye upon this matter of dogs too engrossed in concentrating upon at your heels as an accoutrement.
and horses. If it's good enough for remaining there and/or talking horse We had all too recently been gree-
ones' Queen, it's good enough for one, to pay attention to each other's social ted upon arrival at a rather splendid
is how I see it. origins, quirky table manners, Un- country home by our hostess leaning
savoury habits or imaginative dress perilously out of a fourth floor window
So Beagle and I habitually take our- codes. I could foresee, however, with in the Tower in order to warn us (too
selves off to drag hunts and woodland some trepidation the effect that such late), not to step in the peacock shit.
treks unaccompanied by excellencies. quirks might have upon H.E. and was Reluctantly, I brought proceedings to
It is the secret of our successful mar- consequently most attentive to the a dignified conclusion before they got
riage. That and my mother's recipe for placement. I popped him between a on to the llamas in the orchards or the
fish pie. couple of bits of minor aristocracy. penchant of Jack Russells for eating
Very much the rump end of the aris- horse droppings and baby lizards.
But now that we are on the subject tocracy, and from countries which
of food and horses, I will mention an haven't actually acknowledged their One puts up with one's own Beagle's
episode which occurred just the other aristos for a number of generations, insanitary habits, after all, but other
day. I had recently been invited to but at least I counted on their using people's beasts are intolerable and I
partake in an extended hack through the knives and forks. My end of the knew all too well that no amount of
the woods which culminated in most table was a little more, let us say, fish pie would compensate for inflic-
jolly fashion around a wooden trestle inventive. No matter. It's not my fault ting an evening of animal anecdotes
table and an old Roman cattle trough. that one's official duties do not permit on him. Now there's a diplomatic wife
All very picturesque, sandwiches and one to muck out the stables or while for you.

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Ambassadress