Page 58 - DIVA_4_2007_No.31

AMBASSADRESS: GONE TO POT

Awoken, not by the through the back door, smoking molotovs back best of times of multi-
fragrant scent of freshly unless dressed for a formal out of bullet-proof win- tasking, had apparently left
ground and brewed coffee, occasion. And most dows. Just this awful the coffee pot to boil dry
but by the acrid odour of especially when heading pungent stench of burning whilst he answered the
burning metal and melting for the Beagle run. Poncy rubber mingling rapidly telephone. At length! Total
plastic, a series of possibil- red collar, needless to say, with subtle overtones of coffee pot meltdown. Not
ities presented themselves is a source of great embar- incense! Think Indian the first sclerotic mistake
to the semi-conscious rassment to the wearer who Temple meets Le Mans! he has made recently, I
brain. still considers herself to be Through the fumes I have to admit, but he 'Does
a hunting dog even though perceive the bumbling My Flowers', you see, and
As in: Which should I save her ancestors haven't form of the lovely man we as such is 'Indispensable'.
first? The laptop or the chased anything faster than euphemistically call our The alternative, which
beagle? And where did I a ham sandwich in 'butler', frantically wafting would be to do them
put that smart peignoir as generations. Once released a fistful of joss sticks at myself and thus prove to
opposed to the dressing into the great outdoors she me. Since I have yet to the world at large that they
gown with the hole in the concentrates on rolling the discover an air freshener were correct in their
sleeve? Because, if I am offending item through as that does just that, we tend preconceptions as to how
going to sweep dramatical- much fox poo as possible to burn these probably Ambassadresses fill their
ly down three flights of in the limited time at her illegal substances when the days, would be really too
stairs and out onto the disposal before being smell of onions seeping up distressing to contemplate.
pavement shouting 'FIRE' snapped back onto the from the kitchen gets
at the top of my voice, I matching red lead by her above human and animal
would wish for the irate owner. All of which is tolerance levels.
paparazzi to publish pho- usually accompanied by a
tos of me in the little silk stream of undiplomatic 'Jeeves', incapable at the
number rather than the invective fit to start a war.
faded towelling bathrobe.
So I chucked the laptop
Time passes whilst one is into a large carrier bag, IOUdIV presents thvir 20U7 P.,nionu,ie
reflecting in this manner, added a wodge of begging Snow Whi
however, and the fumes letters I had spent most of
& the Seven Diva
were getting more noxious the weekend composing
by the minute. Opting for for my next charity event
yesterday's jeans and and which I would have
sweater, but without hated to see go up in
pausing for underwear, I smoke after all that effort,
grabbed Beagle who was and headed for the stair-
resplendent in her new red case.
collar, secure in the knowl-
edge that she, at least, Empty! No-one. No fire-
would maintain the high brigade, no panic-ridden
sartorial standards which staff, no security men with
-
Joe Public seems to expect curly-wurlies coming out
of whomsoever is spotted of their collars yelling into
phones.
emerging from Embassy cell
No
portals-- which is why I Ambassadorial husband s.a
:s
personally always exit single-handedly lobbing .9.30 November 6,7 December at 2fttIt
1.2.8 Letnsbti at ImOti & 18I,3fl
9 flc,nhr at i-thOU
56 4 2007 Diva
www.djvajnternatonaIch