Page 51 - DIVA_1_2007_No.28

DIVA's Diplomatic Bag

AMBASSADRESS

Technologically spea- quite useless for its dinner in aid of charity, a - a beagle. Not a very
king, His Excellency got original function; though sense of relief was felt by diplomatic hound at the
left behind somewhere after the first fifteen all when, having announ- best of times. It seems
between the introduction minutes of our uncom- ced he would not be she had panicked at the
of the ballpoint pen and fortable though elegant making a speech, H.E. sight of the hired piano
the invention of the auto- seats, other suggestions was as good as his word. being winched in
matic dialling system. through the second-floor
Mobile phones he window and tried to bite
concedes to be of some its ankles. Being unsuc-
use when carried by his cessful in this endeavour,
secretary whilst on her she had then transferred
coffee her attentions to those of
break.
Computers are for roc- the accompanying remo-
ket scientists. When, val men, to the piano-
therefore, a misguided tuner and had finally
friend sent him an i-Pod gone for the kill on the
for his recent birthday pianist himself when he
he went off to get his turned up for a prelimi-
hearing tested because nary rehearsal later that
he couldn't detect any afternoon. Subsequently
sound even at full volu- banished to the basement
me. Microphones on the where cook exerts his
other hand, given the noble trade, she had pro-
amount of speeches he ceeded to demolish a tray
is called upon to deliver of canapes in revenge
during the course of his and by the time H.E. was
daily duties, he has had informed, was in dire
to come to terms with. danger of being made
He continues to treat into sausage rolls.
them, however, with Speeches were clearly
great suspicion. We not of the order, and bea-
usually have a prelimi- gle and I have been
nary session involving making ourselves as
wary taps with the fore- inconspicuous as possi-
finger whilst inadver- ble ever since. If ever a
tently switched to maxi- are willingly proffered in It was only later that we dog were in need of
mum power which inva- discreet whispers. learned the real reason diplomatic immunity
his
reticence.
riably has his audience for
diving for cover. So as we were gathered Apparently, he had
Thereafter, he holds it at the other evening in our virtually lost his voice
crotch level for the entire rather spectacular ball- shouting at the dog. On
speech, which renders it room for a concert and such occasions: my dog -