Page 469 - swanns-way
P. 469
a reciprocal kindness, which counted for less than nothing
in his moments of jealousy, because it was not a sign of re-
ciprocal desire, was indeed a proof rather of affection than
of love, but the importance of which he began once more to
feel in proportion as the spontaneous relaxation of his sus-
picions, often accelerated by the distraction brought to him
by reading about art or by the conversation of a friend, ren-
dered his passion less exacting of reciprocities.
Now that, after this swing of the pendulum, Odette had
naturally returned to the place from which Swann’s jealou-
sy had for the moment driven her, in the angle in which he
found her charming, he pictured her to himself as full of
tenderness, with a look of consent in her eyes, and so beau-
tiful that he could not refrain from moving his lips towards
her, as though she had actually been in the room for him to
kiss; and he preserved a sense of gratitude to her for that be-
witching, kindly glance, as strong as though she had really
looked thus at him, and it had not been merely his imagina-
tion that had portrayed it in order to satisfy his desire.
What distress he must have caused her! Certainly he
found adequate reasons for his resentment, but they would
not have been sufficient to make him feel that resentment, if
he had not so passionately loved her. Had he not nourished
grievances, just as serious, against other women, to whom he
would, none the less, render willing service to-day, feeling
no anger towards them because he no longer loved them? If
the day ever came when he would find himself in the same
state of indifference with regard to Odette, he would then
understand that it was his jealousy alone which had led him
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