Page 469 - swanns-way
P. 469

a reciprocal kindness, which counted for less than nothing
         in his moments of jealousy, because it was not a sign of re-
         ciprocal desire, was indeed a proof rather of affection than
         of love, but the importance of which he began once more to
         feel in proportion as the spontaneous relaxation of his sus-
         picions, often accelerated by the distraction brought to him
         by reading about art or by the conversation of a friend, ren-
         dered his passion less exacting of reciprocities.
            Now that, after this swing of the pendulum, Odette had
         naturally returned to the place from which Swann’s jealou-
         sy had for the moment driven her, in the angle in which he
         found her charming, he pictured her to himself as full of
         tenderness, with a look of consent in her eyes, and so beau-
         tiful that he could not refrain from moving his lips towards
         her, as though she had actually been in the room for him to
         kiss; and he preserved a sense of gratitude to her for that be-
         witching, kindly glance, as strong as though she had really
         looked thus at him, and it had not been merely his imagina-
         tion that had portrayed it in order to satisfy his desire.
            What  distress  he  must  have  caused  her!  Certainly  he
         found adequate reasons for his resentment, but they would
         not have been sufficient to make him feel that resentment, if
         he had not so passionately loved her. Had he not nourished
         grievances, just as serious, against other women, to whom he
         would, none the less, render willing service to-day, feeling
         no anger towards them because he no longer loved them? If
         the day ever came when he would find himself in the same
         state of indifference with regard to Odette, he would then
         understand that it was his jealousy alone which had led him

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