Page 382 - sons-and-lovers

Annie was a married woman, Arthur was following his own
pleasure in a way unknown to his folk. For so long they had
all lived at home, and gone out to pass their time. But now,
for Annie and Arthur, life lay outside their mother’s house.
They came home for holiday and for rest. So there was that
strange, half-empty feeling about the house, as if the birds
had flown. Paul became more and more unsettled. Annie
and Arthur had gone. He was restless to follow. Yet home
was for him beside his mother. And still there was some-
thing else, something outside, something he wanted.
He grew more and more restless. Miriam did not satisfy
him. His old mad desire to be with her grew weaker. Some-
times he met Clara in Nottingham, sometimes he went to
meetings with her, sometimes he saw her at Willey Farm.
But on these last occasions the situation became strained.
There was a triangle of antagonism between Paul and Clara
and Miriam. With Clara he took on a smart, worldly, mock-
ing tone very antagonistic to Miriam. It did not matter what
went before. She might be intimate and sad with him. Then
as soon as Clara appeared, it all vanished, and he played to
the newcomer.
Miriam had one beautiful evening with him in the hay.
He had been on the horse-rake, and having finished, came
to help her to put the hay in cocks. Then he talked to her
of his hopes and despairs, and his whole soul seemed to lie
bare before her. She felt as if she watched the very quivering
stuff of life in him. The moon came out: they walked home
together: he seemed to have come to her because he needed
her so badly, and she listened to him, gave him all her love

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