Page 386 - sons-and-lovers

side by side with one another would be dreadful, for some-
how with you I cannot long be trivial, and, you know, to be
always beyond this mortal state would be to lose it. If people
marry, they must live together as affectionate humans, who
may be commonplace with each other without feeling awk-
ward—not as two souls. So I feel it.
‘Ought I to send this letter?—I doubt it. But there—it is
best to understand. Au revoir.’
Miriam read this letter twice, after which she sealed it
up. A year later she broke the seal to show her mother the
letter.
‘You are a nun—you are a nun.’ The words went into her
heart again and again. Nothing he ever had said had gone
into her so deeply, fixedly, like a mortal wound.
She answered him two days after the party.
‘Our intimacy would have been all-beautiful but for one
little mistake,’’ she quoted. ‘Was the mistake mine?’
Almost immediately he replied to her from Nottingham,
sending her at the same time a little ‘Omar Khayyam.’
‘I am glad you answered; you are so calm and natural
you put me to shame. What a ranter I am! We are often out
of sympathy. But in fundamentals we may always be togeth-
er I think.
‘I must thank you for your sympathy with my painting
and drawing. Many a sketch is dedicated to you. I do look
forward to your criticisms, which, to my shame and glory,
are always grand appreciations. It is a lovely joke, that. Au
revoir.’
This was the end of the first phase of Paul’s love affair. He